curahan perasaan terpendam

thoughts just came streaming into my mind last night...depressing ones. how do u shut yourself from feelings which hurt u? how do u overcome the ache and the pain u feel? at times i feel like i'm in a shell...hiding away from the person who caused the pain...then at times i peep out of it but something happens and i withdraw again into that shell. i think i'll never be able to come out of it unless someone comes along to break it. my feelings run too deep in me to be erased by time. haih...i shall remain my distance and continue to admire that person from afar...it doesn't matter if he has someone else in his heart...the satisfaction comes from seeing him find the one he loves..seeing him find happiness. i shall use my shell to block all emotions from revealing themselves...he deserves what he wants.

inilah takdirku. aku tidak akan dapat merasa cintanya menyelebungi diriku, tidak akan dapat menikmati keindahan cinta. kini hatiku hanyalah penuh dengan duka, duka yang terpendam, duka yang terukir dalam hati dan mindaku. curahan perasaanku tidak mungkin berlaku...hatinya bukanlah milikku. aku hanya berdaya memerhati dari jauh, hanya berdaya membisik namanya dalam mimpiku...betapa besarnya keinginanku untuk megembalikan masa yang telah berlalu...duka akan menjadi keriangan..tapi..itulah tidak mungkin berlaku. kini aku hanya tertinggal dengan memori...

those of u who do not understand malay...i apologize. i just had the sudden urge to express myself in malay. i shall think of happy thoughts to get through the day...happy thoughts...