:: caught in a frame ::

Calm before the storm

2008-07-13T14:06:00.005+10:00

What is so significant about the upcoming semester...it is my last!! Hopefully, if I pass everything. Final year project will be a killer so will another subject of mine. Will just have to persevere and keep my head low in books.

A break before the storm....a wonderful holiday with the family to Swiss-Garden Resort and Spa Kuantan!!

It's going to be a blast....with a 60% chance of scattered thunderstorm according to the weather forecast.

Till the next update...you have left embedded footprints.

The Force Unleashed

2008-07-04T13:37:00.008+10:00

Just another day in Melbourne results in just another day of walking around the city. But yesterday was no ordinary, mundane day in Melbourne because... Joel and I have just successfully bought and built this-->

The Rogue Shadow, piloted by Juno Eclipse. Includes a miniatue Darth Vader and his apprentice. There is an option to have Darth Vadar's mask or cape on and Juno can either wear a black cap or have blonde hair tied into a pony tail :D Darth Vader and apprentice comes equipped with their own modified red sabers.

The Rogue Shadow has a powerful missile launcher that can actually propel a missile!! It has hidden guns, rockets and blaster canons. It has rotating wings and folding landing gear. The cockpit has a fold on, fold off roof and includes a joystick as a control. It's sleek black with a mean looking blue strip lighting up when the haul to the blaster canons is opened.

Just one word to describe it....LEGENDARY!

Till the next update...you can never be too old to enjoy Lego.

Fälscher, Die

2008-06-24T22:56:00.006+10:00

"It takes a clever man to make money, it takes a genius to stay alive."

It is a movie that questions what we are willing to sacrifice to survive. It is a movie that challenges morality and beliefs in times of adversities. It is a must watch for people who love films rich with history and raw emotions. It is also a compelling story for those who love drama. I highly recommend this film.

Till the next update...minister of the ministry of higher education of M'sia coming to Melb..another waste of tax payers money.

Mine..all mine...

2008-06-20T23:45:00.006+10:00

Isn't it wonderful when it's your birthday. Well it was my birthday about more than a month ago. And I did get some lovely presents...

Thank you to Imran who gave me a lovely swarovski crystal rocking horse adorned with a shiny silver saddle. Now you've only made me yearn for more beautiful things!

Thank you to Clement who gave me enough money to buy my first ever Tony Bianco shoes from Myers :) Love them to bits. And now after slipping my feet into this pair I have become officially addicted to Tony Bianco shoes. Bought another pair off eBay for a whooping $30!!! Love eBay and Love Tony Bianco.

But of course the MOST ROMANTIC and WONDERFUL present was a beautiful night on the tramcar restaurant with a beautiful person.

Had a 5 course meal plus unlimited wine and champagne. Definately a good way to spend the night of my birthday. Thank you to that special someone who gave me a night to remember..xoxo

Till the next update...I have to study!

The Effects of Altitude

2008-06-17T00:54:00.002+10:00

When the road gets tough and the hill too steep, you not only give up, you break into song!

Thank you to the people in the video for providing us with entertainment. My friends are a crazy bunch.

Till the next update...

Malaysian Artistes For Unity

2008-06-16T16:49:00.002+10:00

Here is a video that all Malaysians should watch. Hopefully with the brain power of an evolved homo sapien, you would understand the need to push aside petty issues and bring harmony amongst the races again. Hopefully this video would inspire nationalism and the love for Malaysia as our home. The group of people in the parliment do not represent the whole of Malaysia, we do..the rakyat lah.

Till the next update...the Flowery Pig is up and running again!

open skies

2007-04-02T18:17:00.000+10:00

i jumped on the 31st of march 2007.

jumping from a plane 10,000 feet in the air is not that scary after all. thought i would experience more adrenalin rush but nope..calm nerves all the up and down. i should go solo next time if i ever go again. but overall it was a fantastic experience. just gliding through the air after free falling for 6,000 feet..was breathtaking. now i know how it feels like being a bird. i really had a bird's eye view of the ground below me that day.

have been bogged down by work. so till the next update...i'm so lucky.

hearts, roses and dogs??

2007-02-11T04:29:00.000+11:00

Just got an itch to be all mushy since Valentines is round the corner. Eventhough I don't believe in celebrating love just on one particular day (Valentine's Day is so over rated and too commercialised for my liking), I do find the idea of buying gifts and roses to show ones appreciation to a loved one on one particular day around the whole world quite amusing and it is a good day to shove boyfriends around the world off their arses to do something special and meaningful for once. :D

Here's two pictures of love....to you.

Happy Valentine's to the one who smiles even from a simple 'hello' from me each morning.

xoxo

pins and needles

2007-02-11T04:03:00.000+11:00

Here's for all of you who have not had the time, guts or plain not bothered to attend a thaipusam ceremony. I was one of those ignorant fools who knew loads about thaipusam not because of self experience but from watching Lonely Planet on Discovery Channel and watching them tell me, a Malaysian, what and how thaipusam was really like.

Fortunately the visiting of two aussie friends caused me to get off my lazy butt and make an effort to witness this most amazing, colourful, bizarre Hindu celebration held annually at Batu Caves. The experience was magnificent. I have never ever rubbed shoulders with so many people at once (I mean that literally)! The crowd there was just indescribable. We had to queue for almost an hour an half to get to the foot of the stairs after a lot of shoving, pushing, elbowing, squashing, climbing through barricades, suffocating from heat and lack of oxygen (it's good to be 6 feet tall if you're going to 'join the crowd'. above heads is the only place with fresh oxygenated air!) and smelling the strong smell of incense mixed with the sourness of sweat and body ordour.

After all said and done, it was a once in a life time experience and i would never ever forget it. I would recommend people who have a sense of adventure and a curiosity in the bizarre and amazing to go at least once to a thaipusam celebration. If you're not..then watching it on Lonely Planet is sufficient enough to capture the pictorial essence of it all. Here are some pics i took with my handy dandy sony ericsson k610i.

There were loads of tongue and cheek piercing, hooking of fruit and 'reins' on the back of devotees and carrying of kavadis and milk filled jugs. The devotees on 'reins' i reckon, has to be the most disturbing sight. The devotees hook ropes to their backs and either a friend or a volunteer pulls him by the ropes as if he was a wild animal on the loose. Most of the devotees on 'reins' were totally in a trance and had no visible trace of pain and seemed completely oblivous of the crowd around them. There was one who actually ran amok and had to restrained by the 'reins'. Absolutely chilling to the bones!

This is all i can possibly describe in words. The sights and sounds have to be experienced by you actually being there. So...till the next update...Le Amour!

how many sultans??

2007-01-27T01:38:00.000+11:00

Much has happened since the last day of serious blogging. I must say that this has been the most fruitful holiday I have ever had. After all the years procrastinating and just imagining what it would be like actually earning some hard earned money, I've finally managed to have a good long lick at it and i finally know how it tastes. IT'S INDESCRIBABLE! The yearning for more pieces of specially dyed paper with the sultan's face on it just has no boundaries. Unfortunately the desire to let them slip out of my fingers over a piece of tailored cloth sometimes do get the better of me. However, do not fret my saving loving friends for i have the forsight. More than 3/4 of my hard earned cash have been saved safely in my bank account. Hmm...enough to own a property perhaps or stock market speculation..nah! Baby steps...baby steps..

Having a significant other has been rewarding and fulfilling. Here's his smiley face for all those who's been wondering who he is...taadaa!! My other half...

I know he looks a little geeky in this picture but he was cooking while i took this candid of him! A guy who cooks for his girl! A dream come true for me!

Enough jabbering...till the next update welcome the pig with open arms!

Pictures paint a thousand words

2007-01-26T20:56:00.000+11:00

What does your drawing say about YOU?

Here's my drawing masterpiece reflecting my personality..or so it seems. This is what my fantastic depiction of a kampung at the foot of the hills next to a fllowing river and accompanied by a scrawny coconut tree from across the bank has to say about the great Anthea...

You tend to pursue many different activities simultaneously. When misfortune does happen, it doesn't actually dishearten you all that much.You are a thoughtful and cautious person. You like to think about your method, seeking to pursue your goal in the most effective way.You like following the rules and being objective. You are precise and meticulous, and like to evaluate decisions before making them.You have a sunny, cheerful disposition.

You can tell so much by just the clicking of the mouse to produce simple geometrical lines across your computer screen. The marvels of science.

Till the next update...let's welcome the pig with open arms!

sexy, u say...

2006-11-28T20:29:00.000+11:00

Get Your Sexy Name

i dun think wanting erotic affection is angelic...haha.

try it out and see what sexy wonders ur name entails.

one on one

2006-11-11T01:43:00.000+11:00

it has been two months of endless chatter, endless discussions, endless nights of enjoying each other's company.

time whizes by when the world revolves around just u and me.

cliche as it sounds nothing really does matter when u've found that someone. (but of course passing and getting a degree is first priority :p)

till the next update...money talks!

cross my palm with silver

2006-11-10T13:11:00.000+11:00

ever wondered how crystal balls could read ur mind or foretell ur future??
well...i have no freaking idea! go to this site:

http://www.gangqin.cn/heart.htm

the crystal ball can really read ur mind via cyberspace! enjoy some virtual psychic reading.

enjoy!!

till the next update...one week and counting down.

say cheese!!

2006-11-07T17:17:00.000+11:00

'snap'
a moment caught in time
a memory captured forever by the lens of a small modern gadget
my metallic red sony ericsson k610i

Re: ....

2006-10-16T00:42:00.000+10:00

everything has been moving at top speed. time has been merciless. I'll be leaving for home in a month and 3 days' time. within that time period, i would have sat for 3 papers, handed in 3 assignments, put on tonnes of weight, eaten almost every single brand of junk food, ripped almost all my hair out, bitten almost all my fingernails to the bed, have a blister from writing, have red eyes from burning the midnight oil, hmm..i think tht's all for the list of horrors caused by exams.

however...i still know someone will still call me beautiful when i wake up in the morning, say i'm thin when i've put on 10 kgs, ease my nerves when i'm overwhelmed. i can count on him to bring back my sanity.

till the next update...erm...just don't expect an update anytime soon..say within a month's time.

PS. I LOVE THE MATRIX TRILOGY!

lying in silence

2006-09-26T00:20:00.000+10:00

one day merges into another...space and time swirls into one massive void. a void where there's just u and me...nothing else matters except ur presence. ur support and patience means a lot to me. i can never find anything which can add up to the amount of effort and affection u have given and shown to me.

i am slowly but surely spiralling into the stable sink node of bliss.

xoxo

flatline

2006-09-06T13:08:00.000+10:00

brain overworked with things to worry about. the ball is just a week away. loads to prepare for and at the same time there's test to worry about as well. first one did not go well. hoping the second will not share the same fate.

life has been passing in a haze. i have no idea where all my time went and i have no idea what i've been doing this past month back from kl. i don't seem to have the time to collect my thoughts or have any private moments. i seem to be continuously bogged down by activites and work. oh well..holidays are around the corner. 2 weeks of no lectures, tutes and waking up early! BUT it will be 2 weeks of STUDYING for my bio mid sem test. hopefully by enlarging the word 'study' it will remind me of my purpose here whenever i visit my site. haha..how pathetic is tht?! i think i shall have to resort to sticking up post-its with quotes such as 'u should be studying' or 'study now' or 'are u studying?' all over my wall. turn my room into geek central. begone u party animal! begone u procrastinator! summoning 'devils' out of oneself reflects a stable state of mind :p it's called cleansing ppl! random!

till the next update....faraway by jay chou is the song of the month!

profound or mere gibberish

2006-08-20T12:10:00.000+10:00

women are god's gift to men

why?? Eve was created when God found that Adam was lonely. Hence, God created Eve...sounds more like a gift to cure Adam from his loneliness. Thus, it can be concluded subjectively, that WOMEN ARE GOD'S GIFT TO MEN!

till the next update...on a fine line.

the 1st centurian post

2006-08-10T21:17:00.000+10:00

my 100th post! so much has happen since i've started this blog. many enriching experiences have hopefully made me a better person. this post will not be one of reflection of my 20 yrs out of the amniotic sack. however it will be a personal one.

this gut feeling inside tells me u're the one. however circumstances are against us. even if they weren't would u have the guts or will forsight intervene? i have to keep telling myself it is impossible. nothing good or substantial will result from us committing. however, i can's lose that achy feeling in me. i'll have to deal with it one way or another..... i'll just never stop hoping.

till the next update....how do u know when u've met ur kindred spirit?

STARSTRUCK

2006-08-04T15:08:00.000+10:00

taadaa! the poster for this year's IESS and ICSS ball!! i'm organising it since i am the president of IESS :p come come one and all!

pictures and words

2006-07-24T16:03:00.000+10:00

first day of uni has commenced. responsibilities and decisions have to be made. the idea of leaving kl and now being physically back in melb has not sunk in. still want to be pampered by my parents. :p can't wait for zoe to come over! everyone's excited that she's coming over for the her hols.

zoe: there's a dance social on the weekend before u arrive!! dun feel sad ar..

was chatting to imran yesterday..he's one guy i will always be close to in a weird way. we have a funny relationship...a fine line between plutonic friends and a married couple! haha.. well i guess it's cause we're just so comfortable with one another till we can just say what we want in front of one another without judgement. he's coming over to melb next year! can't wait for his company! my long awaited picture during imran's visit to kl:

took it at the 'food court' at star hill. magical..the wonders of fibre optics on camera. oh here are a few more of my artistic skill at work with my camera...

a random antique fan on display at an antique shop in malacca

a partition at jim thomson's

grafitti on a wall on an old building along the streets of malacca

jim thompson restaurant

till the next update...cold, cold, cold.

light up my life

2006-07-19T13:05:00.000+10:00

took this photo at this shop in malacca. warmth... smtg i'll be missing once i land on melbourne soil. i'll be going back to reality on saturday.

this picture reminded me of this old story i had heard when i was a kid. it was about this boy who took up this challenge by this king to stand in the middle of a pond in through the freezing night naked. if he could withstand the subzero temperature he will be rewarded. the sly king knew it'll be a hard task for a mere kid. however, the next day, lo and behold the kid was still standing strong. when asked how he managed to withstand the cold he replied..."the light from your room gave me all the warmth needed to survive the night" the power of the human mind! limitless!

till the next update...endless possibilities but no guts.

home is where the heart is...and cheap goods!

2006-06-28T01:32:00.000+10:00

back home. list of things i have done in the span of two days..

1. got a diamond ring for my 20th from parents (didn't want earrings)
2. have eaten at esquire kitchen, tai tong at bkt kiara club and grandma's cooking
3. bought 2 bras
4. bought DANCING SHOES!!!
5. jogged once and played a match of netball

totally excited about the dancing shoes!!! it's champagne in colour, 2.5 inches heel, strappy looking and absolutely comfortable to dance in. it's hand made by this guy. his shop is on jalan sultan in kl and it cost me RM188 for my pair cause i have big feet. a smaller sized pair would cost cheaper..damn my big feet. haha i had to buy a size 9! thank goodness he had 2 pairs of size 9 shoes in stock..if not i have to wait for 4 weeks for one!

i've won myself a meal as well! was betting with chee wei over the italy and aus match. i took italy of course...so i have a free meal awaiting me! :)

to all the melbournites have fun!! dun drink too much!

till the next update....missing netball.

beer, beer, beer

2006-06-20T12:47:00.000+10:00

one more paper to go on thurs...the break between my previous papers with this last one is just too long! lost momentum..no mood to study.

have been going drinking with friends quite a bit. we wanted to go to long room but unfortunately the guys were not dressed up enough for it. guys dress code: collared shirts with leather shoes. they extremely sticky with wht guys wore. so we had to resort to other venues to quench our thirst for alcohol.went to two bars in a night on friday. first stop-->hairy canary. here's two pics taken at hairy canary..

next stop-->van gonh bar
met evan there. hadn't seen him for such a long time!

yesterday went to cookie with tina, eng soon, sean, david, and ck. found out lots of new and exciting things about ppl. haha...it's amazing how many things can be revealed with just beer and a game entitled 'i have never'. it should be made the drinking game of the millenium! after drinking we went to china bar for supper. throughout supper we were freaked out by this lady who was sitting directly adjacent to us...she had really heavy make up around the eyes... real goth style. her hair was permed into tight curls and it fell in two bunches on either side of her head. there were red highlight streaks amongst her jet black hair. her freakyness was not her hair or make up but it was caused by her wearing a black hoodie with the hood over her head and also the fact tht almost throughout supper she was staring into space with her eyes wide open. it was so freaky! and nearing the end of the nnight she started looking at our table which spooked us out even more! the ironic thing was...she was a staff at china bar....??!! haha

till the next update.....one glass of beer a day is good for ur health!

one way of saving money

2006-06-18T14:49:00.000+10:00

it's 2:46 in the afternoon. i'm still in my pjs, on the net, filling out random surveys in hope of winning one of the amazing prizes. i am currently in the saddest, loneliest state since the start of the year. but i will not break under these circumstances! i will seek solace from the gym! will go have a good workout..sweat all the negative vibes out of my system. apparently by wearing or eating or painting certain colours, u can renew or overcome certain feelings. COLOUR THERAPY ppl..colour therapy!

already-done list of today

reading blogs....[check]

reading the star online....[check]

chatting to random ppl....[check]

eating leftovers before they rot....[check]

updating blog....[check]

playing mindless online games....[check]

daydreaming....[check]

ok i really should get out of the house now and hit the gym. my life is getting from sad to sadder!

till the next update....when the sixth angel blew the trumpet...

in 15 words

2006-06-15T21:17:00.000+10:00

Why my dad means the world to me...

He epitomises earth itself; ocean deep knowledge, forever green humour and the omnipotence of air.

when faced with the challenge of expressing 20 years of accumalated feelings for a person, it does take over excitation of brain cells to be able to sum it all up in 15 words. just 15 words to explain the immensely deep, indescribable reasons behind the love felt for one's father. to me pictures explain a thousand or even an infinity of words.

he finds joy in the simple things...food, gardening, flowers, beaches, holidays and of course in his family. wat else can i say....i love him for who he is, for being there for me when i needed him the most, for being my father; my daddy. i still can remember the mug my mum, sis and i got him for one of the many father's day we have celebrated. on it was written 'the best dad in the world'. i remember reading out tht line during dinner one day...i was pretty young then...it brought a tear to his eye. tht moment will forever be ecthed into my memory. a tear of love, pride, joy from a father is priceless.

happy father's day dad!

kyar yahi pyaar hai?

2006-06-12T15:32:00.000+10:00

duniya me.n kitnii hai.n nafrate.n
How much hate exists in the world!
phir bhii dilo.n me.n hai.n chaahate.n
Yet, even so, hearts continue to love.
duniya me.n kitnii hai.n nafrate.n
How much hate exists in the world!
phir bhii dilo.n me.n hai.n chaahate.n
Yet, even so, hearts continue to love.
mar bhii jaa'e.n pyaarwaale miT bhii jaa'e.n yaarwaale
Even if lovers should die, even if they are erased from this earth,
zi.nda rahatii hai.n unkii muhabbate.n...
their love will live on forever...
mar bhii jaa'e.n pyaarwaale miT bhii jaa'e.n yaarwaale
Even if lovers should die, even if they are erased from this earth,
zi.nda rahatii hai.n unkii muhabbate.n...
their love will live on forever...

bollywood movies...a chance to escape reality and submerge urself into the unrealistic, simplistic view of love tht had governed all of us at one time or another. in a world filled with hunger, corruption, political instability, it's no wonder bollywood has been taking a trip on the ride to stardom in the movie world. everyone needs a place to escape once in awhile...escape to a place where love prevails, where young men will do anything to find the love of his life or do anything to survive the perils faced all in the name of love. chivalry exists.

kal ho naa ho...mohabbatien...kabhi gushi kabhi gham...asoka...lagaan...yes they all do touch on love...being the universal issue in most of hindi films..love between lovers, love of a father for his daughter, love in a family, love for the nation, love for your own race, love of power, love for peace...all touched in those movies mentioned. love covers all aspects..love is too wide to be limited to just the usual scenario of 'romeo and juliet'.

till the next update....does serendipity reflect destiny?

ps. i want to learn hindi! jit..give me hindi lessons.

follow the yellow brick road

2006-06-10T22:35:00.000+10:00

i feel like such a failure at the moment. totally demoralised. exams haven't been going well. i'm just keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for a miracle. i want to pass...tht's it. i have reached the point in my life where i think my brain capacity for memorising facts and applying them have reached absolute saturation.

i have to refocus..redefine my purpose in going through all this studying. i need redirection. i need to dance with my muse in a garden of serenity and dip into the pool of reflection. without purpose there is no need for strife.

till the next update...sleepless nights.

my angel of goodlooking-ness

2006-05-31T00:34:00.000+10:00

introducing my new hearthrob...BEN FOSTER

i am left speechless...

gaze into the crystal ball

2006-05-30T14:50:00.000+10:00

tina bought a stack of tarot cards...had my past present and future read. ok this is the whole procedure of tarot reading...

first, i had to shuffle the cards while thinking of the questions i wanted answered...and being a 20 year old single..i obviously asked about my love life. so according to the cards, in the near past a guy who's a student came into my life. then at present i'm faced with a challenge of confessing to the guy which may lead to a new beginning in my life. this new beginning may involve abundance and pregnancy..which probably represents marridge. so then my marridge would be supported by my father and throughout my life i would have someone giving me valuable advice.

intriguing..

so much for staying

2006-05-25T16:05:00.000+10:00

so much for me wanting to get a winter job..so much for staying in melb till the end of the year! the cold is already getting to me and i need the warmth! hence....i'm packing my bags and returning to my home sweet home on the 25th of june! impulsive u say..yes i know. it was kind of a over the phone decision. just spoketo zoe and then she suggested me going home...then before i knew i it i was checking out airplane ticket prices over the net and then with another 360 turn of the hour hand, i was in the city purchasing my ticket back home. got a really good deal for it as well...$1096 including taxes and credit card surcharge! what a deal for such a last minute buy!

i realise that my dad really misses me alot. sigh..wht to do...i'll always be my daddy's girl no matter how old i get. there's this innate bond between a daughter and father i think. fathers always tend to get more emotional when their daughters leave the nest. i think mothers handle daughter's absence better than fathers. fathers will be fathers. i wonder whether my dad will be like steve martin in 'father of the bride'. hmm....beware u future son-in-law candidate! interrogation is inevitable! haha..

work summons but the mind does not heed it. sigh...

till the next update...my bubble..my space..get out!

yes, i was surprised

2006-05-15T15:50:00.000+10:00

THANK YOU TO CHRISTINA, SAMANTHA, SING, JIT, ENG SOON, SOOK, KIT, ASHISH, ANNAND, DARREN, CHIEW KENG, JIAN MING, SAI MENG, PEI FEI AND CHRISTOPHER!!

you guys are the greatest! thanks for throwing me a pajamas party and actually following the theme! thank you for the 'unique' cake and thank you for putting in so much effort in the decorating and cooking. it was definately a memorable 20th. can't forget it.

for pictures..go to christina's blog ------> click on her name at the sidebar.

tina had a hard time thinking of how to stall me from returning home...so she and eng soon decided to take me to grecos for cake..and me..being a sucker for cake..succumbed to it and we shared 3 cakes. mars bar cheesecake has got to be the most heavenly cake on earth! anyone coming to melb..go to grecos cafe at crown and have a slice of mars bar cheesecake. it'll just make ur day! i had not stopped pigging out since friday...which was hte day of the party...damn have got to get back to my diet!!!

till the next update...patient without realising it.

grow up please

2006-05-11T22:39:00.000+10:00

WILL YOU GROW UP PLEASE!!!!!

when a crisis is placed in ur hands by ur own bloody fault, u DO NOT go crying to others to help u solve it. YOU DEAL WITH IT! it's ur own fault u're in such a fix. u have to face the music and consequences of ur own carelessness. others are not here to be available at ur every beck and call. and oh please...drop the helpless act! GROW UP! being a damsel in distress DOES NOT deserve respect or patience from me. i cannot stand it! using ur femininity to get guys' attention and sympathy..omg.

plans delayed...ppl waiting...why?? because u can't handle ur own bloody problem!!!

mukhsin relates to all

2006-05-02T23:03:00.000+10:00

"It happened to me before. Both ways. That is to say, I have had good friends who fell in love with me, and I fell unexpectedly in love with a buddy once.

I feel it's an interesting human condition to look at, because I myself have never been able to understand how, sometimes, something as beautiful as Love can threaten to end something else that's just as beautiful - Friendship."

Words from our very own Malaysian director, Yasmin.

i was just reading yasmin's blog and those words just hit me. oh btw..yes it is the famous yasmin who directed 'sepet' and 'gubra' and who is currently working on her new film 'mukhsin'. her entry was describing the plot of her new movie and basically it's all about young love and friendship. she writes so well! a woman who deserves a satnding ovation for all her contributions to the malaysian film industry. people with her calibre are wht we need now.

anyway, her words just struck me..the way it was written was just so beautiful. nearly brought a tear to my eye. i too have fallen prey to love...loving the person most dearest to me at that point in time. and as always..the dilemma of choosing between a love followed by hate relationship or a treasured friendship. the latter was chosen. things seemed better tht way and thankfully that choice was the right one. intuition sometimes does lead u down the right path. tht's the past and feelings have changed..no regrets.

till the next update....i would have said yes...

ps. if u wanna grace yasmin's blog click here: The Storyteller

noodles, anyone?

2006-04-26T14:53:00.000+10:00

I've got my first paying job! it's as a brand promoter for Oriental Merchants and they're currently running events to promote NISSIN NOODLES.

it's a one off thing though. i only get a job when they have events needing ppl to just stand and be so called 'brand promoters' which basically means u stand around and give ppl freebies. i'll be giving out this...

at a footy match wearing this...

ok the robe doesn't look exactly like tht. just imagine it being a solid blue with black edges and a huge NISSIN logo on the back. yup.will be walking around wearing tht on the 13th of may. oh well..i get paid $15 an hour anyway..so it's worth it. finally i'll be depositing money into my bank account instead of withdrawing! finally!!! finally i can call it MY MONEY instead of my dad's.

till the next update...happy happy joy joy!

brain...WORK!

2006-04-25T16:28:00.000+10:00

am currently struggling through my essay. i command my brain to work..WORK STUPID BRAIN WORK! must be the after effect of bacardi 151. sigh...

new skin

2006-04-25T11:53:00.000+10:00

i'm suppose to write my assignment..but what do i end up doing..CHANGING MY BLOG! i'm such a procrastinator. check out the new flash thingy at the side bar. all photos are pieces by yours truly. :D enjoy them.

till the next update...tay-sach's disease is a fatal one.

penguins galore

2006-04-21T14:52:00.000+10:00

easter break is going by too quickly for my liking! easter hols is the best time to cathch up on studies and to revise the whole term's work. YEAH RIGHT! i've spent it bumming around and just spending time with friends....not to forget spending more money!! haha... feel guilty for having fun...having fun IS the worst habit! what am i suppose to do when temptation comes a knocking on my door..succumb..succumb. will power is the best attribute to have when on holiday.

penguins mating look really human like. saw a pair making 'passionate love' after a 'dancing ritual' between the two. it was the male who initiated it and the female who refused initially. then of course, nature has it way and the female succumbs to the male due to his persistance. another proof tht humans evolved from animals. it all boils down to our basic instincts.

went on a movie marathon on wed. started at 1140 pm and ended at 5 am. i was awake throughout all 3 movies! watches the hills have eyes, basic instinct 2 and date movie. the hills have eyes had a really bad story line..too unbelievable although the make up was really really convincing. basic instinct 2 had too many sex scenes..sharon stone did strip in the film. date movie was just pure crap..slapstick all the way. ok so tht's my review of all 3 movies in a nutshell..and imagine ppl actually write 1000+ words on just one film! haha..

till the next update...reveal thy self!

life is full of surprises

2006-04-04T15:56:00.000+10:00

happy belated 20th to looi sing theng!

we surprised him with a cake at his apartment at 9 in the morning..and can u believe it...sai meng slept through the whole thing despite us banging hopelessly on his door! thanks to darren who got the keys from sai meng the night before, we were able to make our way into the narrow arrow's apartment with ease. unfortunately the brithday boy was not sleeping in his birthday suit but oh well..the enjoyment of waking someone up in the 'wee' hours of the morning is gratifying enough.

newsflash...........

the whole group of us went to heist, this new club, on friday (it was grand opening night) and i received a stalk of rose from a guy! well he was sai meng's friend..just met him that night. my first rose from a stranger! it was sweet of him to give me one..but..sorry not interested. i just said loads of thank yous and continued dancing the night away till the rose bud snapped off the stalk. had to throw it away by the end of the night cause the rose fell off somewhere along the road while we were running to save our skin from the freezing wind. thank goodness for friends with cars! a huge thank you to wei kee and yong weng who so generously ran their butts off from swanston all the way up to royal parade just to drive thier cars down. pei fei who was prepared to be the macho figure tht night was the one who ended up piss drunk while tina was high and i was sober! anyway..it was a fun night. i got a rose...:D

one down 2 more to go! had my bio mid semester test today. can u believe it..30 lectures of work compressed into a 22 question test which only counts for 2.5%! it's nuts i tell ya..nuts! rememebering the 20 amino acids didn't really help when only one..ONE question was based on tht topic! i'm so going to send terry mulhern a hate mail! haha.. oh well remembering them now would take a huge load off my studying for the end of semester exam...always a brighter side to things! eng a is so going to kill me as well. will go to the gym before getting down to maths. good luck to me and to all eng students currently taking eng a. may the god of maths bless us with super duper maths logic for tmrw.

till the next update...having fun is the worst habit!

why make a clock fly?

2006-03-27T16:53:00.000+11:00

first month back here in melb! can't believe time flies by so quickly. mid semester tests are coming up followed by easter hols! can't wait for that! second year subjects are all just so confusing and hard! how in the world do ppl score in these subjects! Engineering analysis a is a killer..maybe cause the lecturer is really bad! biosystems modeling is so confusing.how many fick's law are there man! intergrated biology i think is the bearable one..but even then remembering 20 amino acids and their properties is not a really nice thing to do. oh well...

i've finally completed watching the revolving doors of vengeance (canto soap)!!! not bad la. quite interesting. ron ng is starring in it..girls go google for his pics. he has a HOT BOD! i noticed in the movie though...all the guys looked as if they had some pale grey eyeshadow on consistently! i think their tan are just bad! u do not cover ur eyes when tanning! getting rings around ur eyes is not a pretty sight! haha i've got patchy skin again from the sun burn! sigh..oh well autumn coming so will definately be able to return to a monotone coloured skin.

tina changed her hairstyle and colour..all in a few hours! i'm slowly getting use to the new tina! she looks so school girl-ish now. contrast to her actual clubbing self...hahaha i'm so tempted to get my hair cut as well! the power of influence!

SAW 1 is too real to not believe. what would u do if u were put in tht situation...in the game...to play by the rules or not? to mutilate urself and be set free or be murdered? would u kill ur love one or be killed? urgh! scary scary decision! it was written by a RMIT student. malaysian born guy. so talented! malaysia really has such a huge pool of talent but the lack of opportunities and facilities are just discouraging ppl from pursuing their passion back home. it's so sad.

till the next update...so many flower buds but will any blossom?

1000+ visitors

2006-03-13T11:05:00.000+11:00

1000 ppl have already visited my site! woohoo!

i would like to take this oppotunity to thank all my faithful readers and to say a huge SORRY for being such a lasy ass when it comes to updating my blog. i will try to come up with interesting posts in this coming year to fill ur head with gossips!

screaming out 'perfect'

2006-02-27T18:57:00.000+11:00

i just met a guy who fits my description of my perfect guy! omg!! the first guy who's not gay, younger or already taken!!! so perfect! almost dreamlike..and i guess it will remain tht way. sigh...

having a great time catching up with friends and also meeting new ones. almost the whole stella gang's here! just feels like home.. hahaha really man..we just can't get enough of one another!

the apartment is looking good. thank goodness i was the last to arrive! the hwoel aparment was nicely furnished when i arrived. just had to move my stuff over from my previous apartment. easy stuff...yeah rite! are u kidding??!! moving is not an easy task and neither is the unpacking! so poofed by the end of it. the guy who helped us move is chubby and has a receding hairline. he's from singapore and owns the moving company. his sister is currently studying smtg at melb uni. whee!! things u learn about a person while taking a 10 minute drive in the passenger seat.

having a house warming party is so hard when u have 4 ppl sharing a place! the guest list is almost never ending! actually it does end but the amount of ppl on the list is just massive! wondering how to fit everyone into our apartment now..i think we'll have to resort to over-spilling into the corridoor..and maybe even into our adjacent neighbours' unit. haha..i'm just exaggerating. it'll be a cosy little party with everyone's 'famous dish' on the table. hoping all the friends can cook decent stuff! alcohol will be inevitable! i'm living with an alky anyway..:p

till the next update...living it!

do i or don't i

2006-02-06T01:49:00.000+11:00

do i or don't i? it's hard to make up my mind when so many things have to be weighed and considered. when the mind's not made up the heart is left in limbo as well.

great company, great fun

2006-01-20T15:05:00.000+11:00

had an exceptionally wonderful, enjoyable time at thai club on wed with the stellas!! i know, the first impression someone would get from the phrase 'thai club' would be 'eeeee dodgy!'. that fact is undeniable. the lower groud section of it was filled with drunk old pakciks trying to hook up with younglings. beyond a flight of stairs, however, is a totally different scene. there were shufflers on the dance floor and chicks dancing on these elevated platform. however, nothing could beat the company i had. great friends dancing, drinking and just having a ball together! the feeling of overwhelming happiness just took me over. it was the first time ever we stellas went for a night out at a club! so it was overwhelmingly enjoyable. i would never ever trade my friends for anything! they are just such a great group to have in my life! this post goes out to u all, the stellas in my life! my stars!

it does prevent disease!

2006-01-10T13:59:00.000+11:00

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never
been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into
her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared
tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a
cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water
floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones,
they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the
bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and
he could no longer resist.

"Miss Beatrice", he said. "I wonder if you would tell me about this?"
pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the
park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The
directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the
spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter?"

anthea, your colour is orange!

2006-01-08T14:03:00.000+11:00

You're a bold, confident orange. A warm, powerful color that indicates a strong, welcoming personality, orange is the mark of people who are social and extroverted by nature. Vibrant, with an upbeat attitude, you have a bright, inviting demeanor. Energetic and fun-loving, you're a real friend-magnet. Your easy charm and unassuming manner make you the sort of person people want to meet and get to know better. Well-rounded and fun to be around, you enjoy helping others, so it's no surprise that orange also symbolizes attraction. Orange is an extraordinary color — for an extraordinary person.

to fnd out what colour u are CLICK HERE!

P.S. wonder whether tht whole explanation really reflects me...

to imran

2005-12-16T17:47:00.000+11:00

CONGRATULATIONS TO IMRAN ABDULLAH!

i knew u could pass ur driving exam imran! congrats!

california

2005-12-08T13:19:00.000+11:00

I got a cottage with a sea view
I got a regular summer tan
I've been working up the courage to call you all year, ohhh
There is nothing I can say
There are no good words left anyway
Besides people look cool and the world still moves without you, ohhh

Welcome to my Californian home
You don't have to call me you can leave when you want
There's a picture by my bed
There's a light in your eyes
I don't know
Well I don't know
Why you still feel alone

And we were dying from the get go
I was dreaming but you never believed
I was trying to fit myself in the spaces between, ohhh
And you were kind and sometimes cruel
You said all the world's love couldn't satisfy you
And nothing could have hurt me as much as it's truth
Ohhh darling

Welcome to my Californian home
You don't have to call me you can leave when you want
There's a picture by my bed
There's a light in your eyes
I don't know
Tell me 'cause I want to find out
Do you still feel alone?

Love is elusive when you search for it
Don't I know
Happiness sometimes it just creeps in
Don't I know
I'm going crazy
I've been wondering
Do you still feel alone?

I need to find
Some kind of peace of mind
I need to find

I got a cottage with a sea view
I got a regular summer tan
I know that I deserve more
But I still want you

Welcome to my Californian home
You don't have to call me you can leave when you want
There's a picture by my bed
There's a light in your eyes
I don't know
Tell me 'cause I want to find out
Do you still feel?

Welcome to my California
(I need to find)
Even though I'm not good for you
(Some kind of peace of mind)
There's a part of me still waiting for you
(I need to find)
Welcome to my happy ending
(I need to find)
Even though it's fun contending
(Some kind of peace of mind)
I know
I know you can't look back, you can never go back

Welcome to my Californian home
You can never go back
Welcome to my Californian home
I know
You can never go back
Welcome to my Californian home
I know
You can never go back
I know I need to find, do you still feel?

Welcome to my Californian home
(I need to find)
Even though I'm no good for you
(Some kind of peace of mind)
Deep inside there's a piece of me, there's a piece of me
Still waiting for you to come home
Welcome to my Californian home
(I need to find)
I know you can never look back, you can never look back again
(Some kind of peace of mind)
But tell me 'cause I want to find out
Do you still feel alone?
Oh nooo
Do you still feel alone?
Oh nooo

listen to this song..by darren hayes. love the melody. love him and savage garden. total poetry..in this day and age. no hip hop nonsense. just pure, raw feelings and truth.

native land

2005-11-22T13:00:00.000+11:00

back on native land...tanah tumpahnya darahku. haha..today is my second day home and i'm still experiencing this certain surreal-ness. i cannot believe that a whole year has gone by and next year will be creeping up soon. oh well.. just going to enjoy my hols now. was thinking of getting a part time job...but having second thoughts about it. sing theng is in pangkor sailing!! i'm so jealous!! sailing is so invigorating! love the feeling of open seas..but the thought of getting capsized does frighten me. i will ask him to take me sailing one of these days..:)

it's sad to lose a loved one..but even more devastating if one can't grief over it. it hurts and it destroys oneself. allow grief. remove the facade of bravery. break down. only then will recovery and acceptance come. moving on does not at any level means forgetting the loved one. love will never die or fade if it is true. so accept and proceed with life. it is not wrong.

oh i wanna watch tht chinese musical 'perhaps love'! looks good. the cinematography looks really good. oh oh...body shop and mtv are selling this coin purse which has a compartment to keep a condom!! it's in aid of aids victims. did u now tht almost half of the drug addict population in indonesia are HIV positive. it's so sad. they area totally ignorant about HIV. they don't even know how it spreads. this guy thought he would never get HIV by using intravenous drugs cause he thought that him only having sex with his wife would mean that he will never get HIV. but oh my..he was so wrong cause he shared needles with other drug addicts and lo and behold...he became HIV positive. fortunately he has access to retrovirus controlling drugs. and now he's trying to go round educating other drug addicts to use clean, steralized needles. aids in south east asia is becoming really bad. well aids is already 'epidemic'.

this update has been totally random..i know. haha..oh well..teh fats in me must be getting to me. damn i put on! okok..i shall not complain about it anymore. have been torturing my whole family with my whining. haha..

till the next update...unpredicatable.

MERDEKA

2005-11-15T22:03:00.000+11:00

merdeka!! i am free from exams!!! omg..i have already officially completed one year of uni. i have just saat for my last exams of the year. the last exam as a first year student. i will be a 2nd year student soon...time flies by so quickly! i just realised that i've known all my coursemates for a year already...and also i've known CERTAIN people for almost a year too!! wow...how time flies. i think just the sudden blow of all this has overwhelmed me. i need time to let it sink in...*breathe in**breathe out* my mum and aunt are over. will be taking them around melb and shopping! then i'll be home. zoe's going to greet me with a bunch of flowers! haha..tht's what she said she will do la. haha..it's going to be a first...having my sis greet me at the airport. bizarre...but got to get use to it. nothing much to write about now..just want to shout out...I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE U!

till the next update...time flies like a speeding bird.

say no!

2005-11-12T00:10:00.000+11:00

"you can be a slave and yet free, poor and yet have the world in ur hands"
~wormwood by gp taylors~

this book is just filled with profound extracts. love it! there was actually one extract about how power corrupts...but decided not to put it up. it was really well put though. this quote just makes u realise tht material goods are not a yard stick to happiness or fulfillment. i think once in awhile we need to remind ourselves about the REAL impotant things in life so tht we don't get diluded into living the rat race day after day..for our entire life. this is also a reminder to all who's sitting for exams..do not be discouraged by it. there is more to life then scoring high marks! i wish i could feel contented by knowing that.

SAY NO TO PREJUDICE! being a muslim or a christian or a buddhist or a hindu or a bahaian doesn't make us superior to another. we all believe in one divine power in whtever form we believe it to be in. we all believe in doing good and not bad. we all believe in peace and equality. we all believe in respect and humility. we all are human. made from blood and flesh. all falling under the same species in the huge animal kingdom. do not let a slight difference in the 'title' of what we call to be our beliefs mask the similarity we all share. put urself in the person's shoes..if u fall prey to prejudicism..how would u feel? a few bad eggs does not make the whole basket rotten as well. do not succumb to prejudicism.

had to say tht after seeing all tht's been going on in aus. i think the statement "go back to where u came from" should never be said because we are all migrants somewhere along our lineage.

till the next update...i just want peace.

why history repeats itself

2005-11-11T18:14:00.000+11:00

"Evil is not limited to people, there are wicked strongholds that occupy the land itself. Every act of violence or tragedy charges the very particles of the earth with its presence. There are powers that feed on this and pitch their tent, making their dwelling place amongst men. Then you wonder why the trials of the ages repeat themselves time and time again in the same place, every generaton cursed like the one that went before. Wherever you tread you leave behind the scent of your sweating feet. So too with the spirit, its groanings are absorbed by the stones, to be played again and again."

~extract from Wormwood by G.P. Taylor~

just read this extract from that book and thought it interesting in answering the unusual phenomena of history repeating itself no matter how many times we have memorials, songs, articals, documentaries, books, we have on each recurring 'mistake' men has made throughout the history of civilization. there may be such a power out there...if u do believe in a higher power of good..there also should be an equal power of evil. newton's third law! wonder whether we could call that 'evil power' politicians. haha..

anyway...can't help but notice the sexism in this book..the stereotypes so obviously displayed by this writer. an intentional one or not..tht i wonder. well i guess even great minds do fall prey to the social stereotypes ecthed in the community since the beginning of civilisation. but i just have to mention it anyway..the source of evil in this book is a WOMAN and all the angels and the protagonist are MEN! why must things good always be symbolised or represented by the male sex??!!! even the master of angels in this book is a MAN! why are women mostly subjugated to either minimal roles or the extreme of 'evilness' roles in books?! the only book i have read so far who has a women as the powerful all knowing being is by david eddings..(comments are just referring to fantasy genre books..so far..) but even then..she still seeks the wisdom of an older man! haha.. a book which has all main characters as women should be written. wait actually i think there is...the 'valley of the horses' two part series has women as teh main characters..i think..not too sure..have to read it to find out!

was watching this programme critiquing movies..i still love all frame per frame animation. corpse bride! love that style of animation! tim burton..you rule! haha.. i will always prefer the old traditional way of animation..with the tiny help of digital animation of course to refine the rough ages of the old. love the animator and cartoonist ludwig as well...i think tht's how u spell his name. he has some really profound work. love them! oh should watch deep throat-the documentary. made by two gay directors. it's documentary about this movie made way back called deep throat which caused huge controversy about the acceptance of pornography. hm...maybe should watch the original movie sometime..deep throat..sex and controversy..the ultimate ingredients for a great movie! so many movies i yearn to watch but all of them will never be screened in msia. most of them are either art flicks or international films. sigh..kl should have a nova! i'll be their loyal customer! haha..patron of the year!

will stop my with my utterly boring and useless talk.

till the next update...lux luciet!

a bummer

2005-11-09T15:01:00.000+11:00

bio paper done! 3 more to go. will not comment on bio...the results can go either way...but i have a feeling it is leaning on the 'not so good' side..sigh..what a bummer. oh well...what is done is done. one good thing though..everyone found it tough! haha..well not everyone..but most! so at least i know i'm the majority...haha no matter how hard i would want to be the minority super geniuses..hopefully our scores will be moderated..and everyone will do averagely well then the average will become a high d anyway! woohoo!! haha..hoping and praying . anyway..phhysics is next..a torture..then there's maths..another big hurdle..then my last but not least..programming! unfortunately i can't go 'yay, programming is chicken feet la' cause i totally suck at it too. sigh...i hope next year i will have some subjects where i can just score cause i have the brains for it. haha..fat hopes la! i need super brains! wait no i just need brains! haha since mine is not even mediocre. haha..

hmm..will rest till about 7..then get down to work..had good dim sum lucnh with tian and ashish..tht was nice. haven't been out with ashish for some so long. he's a certified bar tender! will definately have him mixing up drinks for me one day. he and annand are alcoholics!! in actual fact i think most of my friends whom i am close to are alcoholics in every sense of the word! haha...bad bad influence. i'm still so innocent! :p say no to the vice of alcohol..oh btw..will be drinking with my mum when she comes over. haha i'm such a hyprocite. like wht the salem advertisement use to read: live life! was it tht or live life full? can't believe they banned all advertisements from cigarette companies. they use to have the nicest ads..eg dunhill and benson and hedges. one reason being they had huge budgets for it...but oh well..still they were good. not trying to promote smoking by the way..if u DO smoke u are MAD! ok not mine to judge actually...the fact remains tht consumerism is based on choice anyway. so if u choose to buy u choose to die! haha..hypocratical statement..hey should use tht for an anti-smoking campaign slogan. catchy yet straight to the point. oh food for thought...is smoking the equivalent to drinking??

it's so warm! feel like going for a dip in the pool..but the thing is i dun think i have the key to the gate...have no idea where my cousin put it. so no swimming for me. counters running through my head at the moment:

- 3 more papers to go
- 4 more days to mum's arrival
- 11 more days to going home
- 17 more days till we're on the same soil
- more than a month before bangkok trip
- 7 more months before i turn 20
- 3 more years before i graduate!!
- 35 years of slogging before retirement
- one life to live

ok..i should get some tv watching going. haha..i'm such a coach potato.

till the next update... at peace.

my jap name

2005-11-07T18:46:00.000+11:00

My japanese name is 石川 Ishikawa (stone river) 明日香 Asuka (fragrance of the bright day).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

whee!! i have a jap name!! and a nice naturalistic one it is. so earthly...just like me! just like my zodiac sign as well..the earthly taurean.

numb

2005-11-07T17:23:00.000+11:00

why rain now?? on the day when i'm feeling good about eating a proper dinner, it rains! there goes my dinner. darn i ran out of fruit..so no fruit dinner...no soup cause i fnished the last can this afternoon..no more pita bread..only thing left is my yogurt which i had as part of my lunch. sigh...it's going to be a loooong night. rain rain go away! i want to eat subway! haha tht rhymes. mum said i look pale from a pic i took of myself when i had gone all nuts cause of studying. studying is bad. makes u just lose appetite. i;m just eating for the sake of eating. eating to live. the next week is going to be full on for me. paper after paper. don't feel prepared for any of them. going to fail for sure. i'm beginning to notice my really short sentences in this entry.

going to kick and punch some of my frustration adn anxiety out now.

till the next update...what is there?

china dudes

2005-11-04T17:24:00.000+11:00

ok i'm currently addicted to the videos made by these too china dudes. u've just got to watch them! i've posted one of thier videos. but it's the not so funny ones cause i just love this song.anyway go to YOUTUBE.COM and search under chinese boys! u'll get the whole list of their videos!! their 'rendition' of bsb's songs are really funny! oh oh..the guy in black in this video is hot! omg he has a nice bod!! tina and i agree tht they're not bad looking! haha..enjoy the video!

u just have to watch more of them. they even did a version of tong hua!

ok..might as well include this one which shot them up into stardom!

till the net update...buff...drool..

story telling

2005-11-01T21:38:00.000+11:00

once again my skills at shoo-ing moths out of my house reeped success!!! woohoo!! *pat**pat* ok tht may seem totally random but tht particular skill is utmost necessary when u're living alone with no one else who's not afraid of catching a moth with his/her bare hands. i had to shower in semi-darkness because of tht moth! it just flew in from the vent in my bathroom while i was on the verge of taking my shower!! oh the agony and dismay! sorry..just had to add in the dramatics. :) so i had to walk out clad only with a bath towel around me..into the lounge..turned off all the lights in my room and living area..opened the balcony door and stood there in the dark waiting to see the flitter of wings going through the open door. unfortunately the moth could not see the glimmering lights from the bathroom. so...back into the shower i headed and there it was..the menacing moth settled on the ceiling oblivious to my intentions. once again..i turned off the lights..grabbed a m op and shooed it out into the lounge..slammed the door shut and thus showered in semi darkness (now i know why i have two sets of switches for lights in my bathroom! smart electrical engineers!) phew..tht's almost the story done. after a nice relaxing shower..i ventured out..ears pricked for any sound of fluttering wings. to my horror or rather dismay the stupid bloody moth was still in my house!! resting on the blinds of the glass balcony door..well at least tht made my job easier. after much 'coaxing' and 'banging' of the blinds it finally found its way out into the fresh air. and tht my friends concludes the episode of 'the menacing moth'! taa-daa!!! haha..wht a night! oh well..actually it wouldn't have made a diff if zoe was still lliving with me cause she's terrified of insects. so it would have been my duty as a good elder sister to shoo it out. sigh..the responsibilites of a jie jie. :D

as my night turned out to be some insect encounter gone wrong..my dear family is sunbathing and relaxing at guoman, port dickson!! they called to tell me how nice the hotel looks now after this massive overhaul..how the restaurants look all modern and sophisticated..according to my dad "all look like fusion style now!" haha..they'll be having a rangoli(indian) dinner in one of the new restaurants there. sigh..i miss all these short trips with the family. eventhough they usually were just 3 days, 2 nights, but the most fun and relaxing 3 days off they were. never ever got bored of them. we just havve so much to discuss and talk about..my family and i. the topics of coonversation can be as nonsensical as 'how shit look like when u have diarrhoea' to almost profound and enlightening topics such as religion and faith. and of course family meals will never be complete without fits of laughter and insults thrown at one another. i do pity my mum though..she does almost always unintentionally become the victim of my dad's and us, sisters' sarcasm. however she always takes it with grace. how she survives us..i have no idea! haha..i would really like to write a book about my family one day. if i ever have the courage to put my thoughts onto paper and also to have the will and desire to write tirelessly. another restrictive factor would be if i have the boldness to venture into writing! i have always doubted my skill as a writer. never thought my writing good enough for others to read (thought to self...why am i blogging then???) narrative writing requires a style of writing so different and uniquue to capture and enrapture the reader. tht is so hard to achieve! hmm..maybe one day i will be comfortable with myself..confident enough with myself and also brave enough to put this thought into practice. will writing ever become my forte? *drum roll* "AND THT IS THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION" haha.ok tht was lame.

i did manage to put in 2 hours of work today! one achievement of the day! shall increase tht number soon... tmrw i'll be meeting jitesh for lunch! he'll be leaving for kl on the 8th. didn't even manage to meet up with him often. stupid fella too lazy to travel. humph. oh well..will be meeting him tmrw anyway and he'll be bringing along his car!! yipee!! don't have to walk. yippee! will never get bored of his company. he's always been there for me when i needed him. he's been a great friend and one i'll really miss when we start making ur own paths in life. i can see him becoming a totally successful engineer. using whtever wits he has to succeed in life. he's one smart guy.

ok enough reflection and grandmother stories from me. it's back to the books for me. nerd-dom here i come! haha..

till the next update...where have all those years gone?

brain malfunctioning

2005-10-31T23:28:00.000+11:00

physics is driving me mad! i'm starting to hyperventilate just at the thought of it! this is so bad! hate physics!!! tell me..wht am i doing in engineering again?? haha..hate exams.despise exams. exams are bad for the health and mental state. the only benefit of having exams is having the priviledge of becoming slightly more knowledgable leading up to "D" day and then only to have ur intelligence level plummet to almost zilch while still retaining the few 'know hows of the world' stuck in ur head. it's so pointless! everyday 'drilling' and hands on experiences are worth a trillion times more than 3 hours of writing on a blank sheet of paper. i think i'll definately learn more and also retain more info in my head than cramming for exams. change the bloody education system already!!! it's too ancient for ppl like me! haha.. one out of many of the old traditions of the world...exams. must have been china and those stupid imperial exams which has influenced the whole world in becoming 'mugging' orientated. chinese..too smart for our own good..haha complete info overload has drained me of any sense left in me..hence the rambling and utter nonsense. brain going into overdrive! i think i AM becoming less intelligent as i grow older. brain cells are diminishing in significant numbers! as my bio lecturer once said...brains cells die as we age. hence the roles of lecturers and students theoratically should be reversed! if tht ever happened i will abolish exams for good. i'll be one of the few lecturers now who see the pointlessness in having exams.

ok back to work for me. back to the torture of trying to comprehend the in comprehensible!

till the next update...i just want the brain of a genius..is tht too much to ask for?

i just can't wait

2005-10-29T23:07:00.000+10:00

i can't wait to decorate and furnish our new place!!! it's going to be so exciting! have to put my interior decorating skills to the test! i can't wait! met the landlord today who's a chilian. nice person and pretty easy going as well. everything will be finalized by next saturday. can't wait to get everything on the move next year. i already have an image of what i would like our lounge to look like..but of course there must be a mutual agreement on the style and theme..and of course if the budget permits. it's going to be so much fun. i've always wanted to do interior dec. just love furnishing and making images in my head a reality. i can't wait to hold a house warming party as well. i just love entertaining..especially when the venue and atmosphere is right. CAN'T WAIT! i think i've repeated that phrase quite a number of times..haha oh well what to do..i am easily excitable!! erm..no sexual connotations intended.

oh another 'i can't wait' thing i'm soo looking forward to..my mum coming to melb..and then followed by me returning home! can't wait to take her shopping and also eating! can't wait to take her to the theatres...watch some good plays..can't wait to show her the new apartment...can't wait to have family near me! i can't wait to go home cause then it means i can shop! haha..omg starting to sound like a shopaholic! i want to change my wardrobe to a more 'my style' kind of thing. trying to find my style actually.i want to find a style i can call my own. have all my clothings in tht 'style' so i won't dislike whtever i pull on. everything will be articles tht i love and would want to wear. ok tht doesn't really makes sense..but i think u get the picture. tht's a lot of 'i want' huh..i just have so many ideas in me. haha. ideas just pertaining to my own being...haha..selfish me. oh well u've got to be selfish in some things. then u'll be a happier person. dun get me wrong..i love to give ppl things as well..i'm happy when i see others happy!! love to give ppl little surprises every now and again. just to see the looks on their faces...priceless.

i can't wait to go home and a certain person a huge hug!! can't wait to go home to spend time with this certain person. can't wait to have long awaited conversations about nothingness with my 'ever willing to listen ear'...haha...can't wait to be in the arms of the one i love..just can't wait!!! can't wait for exams to be over then everything will start moving towards more relaxation and more happy moments...

till the next update...I JUST CAN'T WAIT!!

dilemma

2005-10-26T00:08:00.000+10:00

which is better...a lie tht draws a smile or the truth tht draws a tear? when u come to a hard decision as this one...i would probably tell the truth..don't u think causing pain would be better than living a lie? cause at least the pain would be just for a certain period of time. time DOES heal all wounds anyway. but to live a lie..tht will be hard. it'll be hard on ur part cause then u'll be tormented mentally day and night, and it'll be hard for the other party as well cause the higher u put them the harder they'll fall. if tht even makes sense. i guess it's like the longer the lie is maintained the more pain it'll cause. so causing a smaller degree of pain is better than causing a higher degree of pain. hmm..ok just a note..but htis entry has nothing to do with anythign personal i'm experiencing now. just read a friend's nick and i just thought it'll be interesting to mention it in my blog. i think most of us have come across a situation where we had to make a decision similar to tht. it's a tough life. :S guts is all we need to get through it. guts!

i shoudl be studying but yet again something always pops up to distract me. had a wonderful italian meal with family friends today. i just love to have old familiar faces around me. just needed tht to perk me up! wht perfect timing. well..back to the books i go!

till the next update...unspoken words says more.

dum dee dum

2005-10-23T23:48:00.000+10:00

u know when i'm not in the mood to do anyhing else but bum and slack when my blog keeps updating! haha.. not in the studying mood at all..and exams are only 2 weeks away. i need motivation! i need my muse... muse of the sciences..if there ever is such a muse. muses are for inspiration..so can there be a muse for analytical thinking and memory power? i need a miracle now! something to jolt me back into study mode..not tht i have ever been in the mode. can't remember the last time i was ever in tht mode actually. probably the only time was when erm...in trinity when i was a diligent library goer..which actually only lasted for a semester i think..or less. the time now is 1153..shoudl i study or just go to bed and hopefully gain some motivation to study the night through tmrw?? hmm..maybe i shall just look through some notes..not like tht will help. i'm such a bum!

till the next update...exams=mental torture!

life's too short

2005-10-21T17:00:00.000+10:00

my condolences to jeremy who just lost a friend to pneumonia.. and also to joann who knew this same person as a second degree friend. so many misfortunes in such a short time. what else can there be said in times like these but just 'i'm sorry'. the circle of life..i guess the way to make everything seem better is by looking at it as the passing of one gives life to another unborn child somewhere in the world ready to be conceived. somehow this belief of everlasting life or spirit of a person makes it all seem more worthwhile.

life's to short to not have lived. but wht's there to live when we are bounded by so many restrictions? yes..we can only begin 'living' when we have a proper education..when we have made something of ourselves.. oh well i guess how we see 'living' is relative.

peer into the window
the window of light
what do u see?
i see a soul
a soul with aim
a soul with purpose
a dark shadow approaches
sucking the light
speckless of white
all lost
shattered
redundant it was
all dreams
all hopes
but halt i say
a glow beyond
calls my attention
weak as it appears
strength is within
grow i say
grow
embrace me
return what i have lost
devour me
take over the gloom
a new turn
a new chance
take the risk
reciprocate with gusto
life's too short

my really sad attempt in poetry writing. oh well too filled with emotions to do anything else but write.

till the next update...it's better to have loved than not have loved at all.

maths rules?

2005-10-19T23:00:00.000+10:00

maths rules?? haha..i cannot imagine the amount of maths i'm expected to know!! argh!! it's getting so hard! drowning in numbers and formulas and theorems and rules! argh!!! this is the hardest maths assignment by far! i'm practically tearing my hair out trying to figure out a way to make logic out of nothing. i need my logical, analytical brain to function. doesn't seem to be able to get cranking though. tiredness suddenly seem to overpower me...the bed looks so tempting..

i miss ur smile, i miss ur voice, i miss ur touch, i miss ur gaze...

hard at work i shall now swear to be!

till the next update...i am shouting because of the estrogen.

life bounded by questions

2005-10-12T20:19:00.000+10:00

how do u know when u've found the thing u want the most? how do u know that what u have now is what u want for the rest of u life? how do u know that u've made the right choice today for tommorrow? how do u know...

how are u suppose to make up ur mind when the future is so uncertain..when nothing is permenant...when there's doubt in the air...how?

live for the moment. that's what everyone will end up saying. why bother finding answers to the unanswerable? just live life! but how can u live life when u don't know what makes ur life fulfilled? how can u live life when there's still a hole in your life? isn't living life suppose to be living it for ur happiness, for self fulfillment? how can u just go on each day and not think about the emptiness inside? isn't that just fooling urself to believing that u are fulfilled?

what is it that i want in life? what is my aim in living onr this planet? why am i here? am i filling a gap in the whole tapestry of life? but isn't life just living? we are animals... which live and die. aren't our roles equivalent to even the tiniest of living organism on earth? if so, shouldn't we live to just procreate? i just feel like doing what the following lyrics say. we should live like animals once in awhile. just foeget everything we've become disillutioned with. just live based on instincts..carefree and impulsive.

When superstars and cannonballs are running through your head
A television freak show cops and robbers everywhere
Subway makes me nervous people pushing me too far
I've got to break away
So take my hand now

Chorus
cause I want to live like animals
Careless and free like animals
I want to live
I want to run through the jungle
The wind in my hair and the sand at my feet

I've been having difficulties keeping to myself
Feelings and emotions better left up on the shelf
Animals and children tell the truth they never lie
Which one is more human
There's a thought now you decide

Compassion in the jungle
Compassion in your hands yeah
Would you like to make a run for it
Would you like to take my hand yeah

Chorus

Sometimes this life can get you down
It's so confusing
There's so many rules to follow
And I feel it
cause I just run away in my mind

Superstars and cannonballs running through your head
Television freak show cops and robbers everywhere
Animals and children tell the truth they never lie
Which one is more human
There's a thought now you decide

Compassion in the jungle
Compassion in your hands yeah
Would you like to make a run for it
Would you like to take my hand yeah

~SAVAGE GARDEN~

till the next update...everything looks perfect from far away.

up and about

2005-10-08T16:26:00.000+10:00

i've suddenly become more impulsive in my decisions..thanks to tina! haha..today did the most "mo liew" (say it in canto) thing! just sat on the tram going up and down streets in hope of finding a real estate office with tina. then..suddenly out of the blue we decided to have fish and chips as port melbourne! unfortuantely the sky was grey with patches of blue in between 'cloud migration'... i called it tht cause of the irritating melb rain whereby it rains then stops almost as suddenly as it began due to the strong winds blowing the clouds away. but oh well we did manage to eat port melbourne fish and chips at the world famous REX HUNT'S seafood restaurant! (who in the world is rex hunt?? he even has merchandises on sale which includes video tapes of him!)anyway, had lovely thick chips with a generously batter covered fish fillet accompanied by lemon and of course the traditional tartare sauce! then had pisang goreng to satisfy my sweet tooth! hah..feel so contented. nothing beats food when it comes to filling tht 'emptiness' inside u. some random pictures of us while getting high on salty sea breeze!

oh this one was taken when both of us were still 'sober'. NOTICE THE LION KING T-SHIRT!!

look caused by "seagull shitting on head" phobia.

newton's 3rd law : for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

just discovered tht i dun really know the city tht well. came across this pedestrian walkthrough along bourke street which has cafes...looks really quaint and it reminds me of sydney. got to go and discover hidden treasures in the city before i graduate! tht's my aim in melbourne! have to go good food scouting as well. can't tahan surviving on 'student food'. must indulge once in awhile..hehe.

melbourne weather is getting on my nerves. so cold and wet! i want the warmth! argh!!! ok i'm off to continue with my bumming.

until the next update...never say 'never'.

post hols syndrome

2005-10-01T15:24:00.000+10:00

lazy, lazy ,lazy. tht's the best words to describe what i'm feeling at the moment. have not been getting any work done since coming back from sydney. omg..sydney..the food!!! craving for it already! why can't melbourne have a pancake on the rocks or a kobe jones. those two restaurants are a must visit when in sydney! oh my pictures are up on multiply go to http://saigon86.multiply.com and also to chee yoong's site http://scyoong.multiply.com. all the pics are up in those two sites. ok this will be a short post. dun really know wat to blog about today.

till the next update...comfortable in ur presence.

sydney

2005-09-24T21:33:00.000+10:00

i'm currently sitting in chee yoong's chair while posting this which means i'm in SYDNEY!!! it's so much warmer than melb here but as usual the wind sends chills running down ur spine. the city centre is one big maze!! well actually its not that hard to get lost once u get use to it..but melb is so much more organized! and the streets are so narrow..cars are practically almost brushing past one another.

so far the trip has been all about eating! one gastronomical experience after another. since touching down on sydney soil..i have eaten fusion japanese (food to die for!), fresh seafood from the fish market, pancake on the rocks, emperor's pao (is actually custard filled cream puffs which are addictive), chocolate dessert from lindt cafe, thai, a huge portion of peking style fried noodles and of course the ever famous mcd's! phew...tht's a lot of food! i cannot believe how much i've been eating these past few days! i've been eating non stop. it's back to the pool and my strict diet when i get back to melb! definately have put on loads of weight...no doubt about tht.

will post pictures onto multiply when i get back. till the next update...eat to live or live to eat, that is the ultimate life question!

just another day

2005-09-14T00:38:00.000+10:00

i love my new skin! thank you chee yoong for doing it for me!! hehe..thanks for wasting ur time on my blog! anyway i have been 'promoted' in the IESS committee from being an unknown subcommittee member to the new SOCIAL FUNCTION DIRECTOR! woohoo! fancy name huh. but actually i have to do most of the dirty work la. haha..have to organize all the trips and events for the club. oh well..luckily i only joined in 2nd semester..nothing much to plan except one more trip for the year.phew! oh well..it'll be an exciting post to hold.

went to austin hospital today. met and talked to a few practicing biomedical engineers. very enlightening. at least now i have a clearer picture of life after graduating. now is the age of non-invasive technology! everything seems to be moving around tht section of study. it looks like biosignals is not such a bad stream to go into after all. now i just have to aim for h1's all the way throughout my uni academic life..which seems pretty impossible at the rate i'm going. haih..so sad. ambition is in me but the perseverance and diligence is not. what a bad combination!

oh i have a picture of me during the engineering ball!

the guy in the middle is peter and the other girl is ming hui. i'll be wearing the same outfit for dinner dance! i can't wait for it. latin and st latin dancing here i come! hopefully i'll be dancing a lot throughout the night. don't want to end up just sitting around.

ok enough jabber for the day. till the next update...terror is relative.

laze, laze, laze

2005-09-11T18:18:00.000+10:00

have been busy since the last time i blogged. oh man i have a test tmrw and i still haven't started preparing for it!! how can they have a test on the week before the hols??!! it's just so not right! haha..anyway..went for the engineering ball..it was pretty good. the concept of the ball on a cruise was good. i liked the cosiness of it. music was good to. oh then i went to heat! my first tiem in a crown club. not bad but it would have been better if i went with close friends. haih..oh well..enjoyed myself anyway.

oh i went for this malaysian fest in melbourne at the malaysian hall..it was pretty good. had satay, nasi briyani with chicken, nasi lemak, onde onde, goreng pisang and lots more! kinda made me feel a bit homesick..but it was good anyway. oh and i met my old tuition friend..lost contact with her since standard 6! it was such a surprise..thanks to pei fei got to meet my long lost tuition friend.. haha. at night went to bismi which is at sydney road..and omg we missed the last tram back to the city and ended up walking for 2 hrs sraight back home! tht was the most leg exhausting walk! oh well at least the walk would have burned off all the roti kaya i ate a bismi.

sam passed her medal for bronze ballroom! woohoo!! i think i'll be taking my silver medal for st latin next semester..hopefully..i really really want to put my dancing skills to the test. will have to make time for it next semester..when i'm living nearer to uni. then i'll have no excuses!

jesus christ superstar was really well done by UMMTA. judas was played by a girl..and she had a really good voice! jesus was really good as well. the band was fantastic as well. ju han's musical was fantastic as well..great dancing sequences and the actors were all so suited for the roles they played. both musicals were really well done..i have nothing more to say or comment about them. haha..just enjoyed them so much. went for this VCA concert...and it was so good! they're all so talented musicians! omg..i just realised i've spent so much on plays and musicals and concert..all because of mudfest! haha..but they were all worth it!

another piece of good news...JITESH IS HERE! i'll be dragging him along everywhere during the hols.haha at least now i won't be so bored.

ok enough blogging. have to start studying...hopefully i'll be doing tht though..haha..

till the next update...let destiny take its course.

my resolution

2005-08-09T21:20:00.000+10:00

well..here's another long awaited update... these are my new resolutions for the new semester...which i hope i can stick by!! knowing me...haha will break them pretty soon..

1. swim everyday (which i have been doing diligently!)
2. no carbs for dinner (chicken everynight so far)
3. do all my tute problems (hmm...having a problem with this one! haha)
4. study/review work consistently (not helping with the easy availability of the tv!)
5. not buy clothes unnecessarily (going to get a dress this weekend..no!! but i need it for dinner dance...haha tht's a necessity!)
6. not break any resolutions made thus far!

ok..so far...nothing is looking good. i think i've broken almost all of it..except the first two! haha..oh my..goes to show how body conscious i am! this is bad. the 6th resolution is not helping at all. well..at least having written them has made me more aware of wht i HAVE TO DO and not AVOID any of them anymore. fat hopes! this is just so ironic! i can be such an optimist when it comes to believing in others in achieving their goals and stuff..but when it comes to my personal ones..i'm such a pessimist! it should be the other way round! then at least there's a glimmer of hope of me becoming a successful being! haha...oh well..i guess it's all in the mind. intelligence is innate but our way of thinking is a conditioning. and EQ is way more influential than IQ in our success...in my point of view. oh now i have another resolution to add to my list:

7. avoid pessimism at all costs!

let's see how this one holds up. exercising will make me happy! why? cause exercising releases endorphins and endorphins makes ppl happy and happy ppl think positive! haha.. on the road to good health and positive thinking!

anyway, uni life is going as usual. nothing spectacular happening. this weekend however will be pretty busy. othello on thurs, a dance competition on fri, ice skating on sat and shopping for my dress on sun. what a jam-packed weekend of fun! can't wait! ok..enough blogging now..time for me to fulfill resolution number 3! :D

till the next update...think of me, think of me fondly.

long awaited update

2005-07-24T22:09:00.000+10:00

here's the long awaited update! been really busy the whole month back in m'sai. had a really really enjoyable and unforgetable holiday. the highlight had to be the trip to kuching with shaleen, jitesh, gary, chee wei, hwee yin, jeannie, kit ling and terence. the rainforest music festival was terrific and the energy level at the concerts was overwhelming!! no inhibition at all! oh and lots of booze! i'm proud to say i had just plain clean fun..no influence of alcohol whatsoever! haha. the nights of gossip and stuff in room 807 was totally awesome! sharing a room with two other guys and a girl is so much fun! haha..tht was random. oh the food was bad though...made almost everyones' tummy ached. on the whole...the whole trip was made unforgetable because of the company. the company was just great. it's amazing how u can get along so well and become close to complete strangers in just 5 days. this is one group of people i will never want to lose touch with. thank god for msn and technology!

had a wonderful time eating as well! all the delicious yet unhealthy kuihs...roti..thosai..mamak..yum yum. my mum's cooking!! a must mention! sigh..another 4 months of melb..then i'll be home again..and then i would have completed a whole year of uni. time really flies. oh well...i can't really think of anythign else to blog about.

so i'll just end here. till the next update....paths cross, lives change.

our body, our shell

2005-06-22T00:06:00.000+10:00

just experiencing a sudden surge of energy to blog again, after about a month of silence. ironic huh..me silent?? haha.. this past month has been a very soul enriching one. going through emotions and strengths i never knew i had or required to get through situations. and this made me equate our body to a shell.. i know this sounds a tad religious...but seriously..aren't we what we are because of our 'insides' and not because of our 'outsides'? our body is like an encasement of all the good things in us. it's temporary and we are just in it for the sake of fulfilling our desires and goals. sometimes our body may last till it's old and wrinkled and sometimes it can mulfunction even at a young stage. however it will eventually breakdown and then is when we die. we use our body to hide from the world; for pleasure; for making a stand in life. this makes our aim living in this world a tad more meaningful..doesn't it? we have been endowed with this gift of a wonderful, magnificent 'shell' hence we should use it to the fullest but at the same time maintaining its working condition because without it we will only become shadows of beings, unfulfilled beings. i guess this makes me more determined to experience life as it is not hold back.

pondering over..now to the good happy news! holidays are finally here! eventhough exma results will totally be a disaster...going back home makes it all better. can't wait to feel the warmth, the beach, family, friends, familiar sights and sounds again! this hols is going to be the best! going to pulau redang and sarawak. SO looking forward to it! sunday is 'd' day. i'm leaving on a boeing 747..don't know when i'll be back someday...haha

ok enough rambling..till my next update...strength and optimism, a must in life.

you

2005-05-21T17:44:00.000+10:00

you are the one who makes me happy
when everything else turns to grey
yours is the voice that wakes me morning
and send me out into the day
you are the crowd that sits quiet listening to me
and all the mad sense i make
you are one of the few things worth remembering
and since it's all true how can anyone mean more to me than you

sorry that sometimes i look past you
there's noone beyond your eyes
inside my head the wheels are turning
yet sometimes i'm not so wise
you are my heart and my soul, my inspiration
just like the old love song goes
you are one of the few things worth remembering
and since it's all true
how can anyone mean more to me than you

you are my heart and my soul, my inspration
just like the old love song goes
you are one of the few things worth remembering
and since it's all true
how could anyone mean more to me than you

~the carpenters~

i dedicate this song to everyone i know...who has withstood my nonsense and mood swings and to all that have understood me. :)

till the next update...friends are kindred spirits.

reasoning without reason

2005-05-01T20:39:00.000+10:00

let's see...so far my days have been filled with rehearsal after rehearsal and feeling butterflies in my tummy everytime i think of the coming wednesday. the emotional and physical stress of being involved in a play...but still loving it! i complain but love. isn't that what humans are about? i have discovered that in certain cases when people complain they actually in fact love what they are doing. i think this also applies to relationships. i mean i look at my grandparents and parents. they argue, complain about one another, bicker...but yet there is this attraction between them which still overpowers all the negativity...love. interesting... that was totally random.

attended a dance social the other night. enjoyed myself so much! wondering whether i should take my bronze medal exam... seems easy. we shall see. can't wait for the year end dinner and dance. everyone will be all dressed up and having fun on the dance floor!!

my brain is in a blank at the moment. cannot think of anythigin interesting to post. i am currently numb from any emotion and any pondering thoughts which have been bothering me. my brain is currently in comatose. haha..CHOI! ok..it's not in comatose..it's just that i can't be bothered to think or feel anything at the moment. it's just useless. uselessness is hopelessness...and i ave no idea where that came from...

right..i think this post has reached its limit in nonsensical reasoning.

till my next update...be true to ur heart.

procrastinator

2005-04-12T10:03:00.000+10:00

i'm the procrastinator of the year! my mid semester tests are coming up but i'm still stalling my studying and stuff. i just feel so not into the studying mode. i would have really loved to have taken a year off studying just to go travelling around the world. to see thigns i'll never see back home. but i doubt my parents would have let me. sometimes i think the asian attitude of 'studies first' is not that beneficial. i mean yeah it's good cause it keeps us focused on our goals in life and stuff but it takes away the joy of living young and just experiencing things when we're stil in our youth! there's like people my age who has already seen most of europe and bits of asia. i'm still so 'ulu'! waiting to discover the world after graduation is kind of impossible too...cause i'm sure it'll be my responsibility to get a job immidiately instead of galavanting around the world. so technically speaking i'll only be able to see the world when i'm in my 40's. i don't want that to happen! haih...but what to do 'studies first'. make my parents proud.

if things happen for a reason then if something does happen should u take it as a sign?? ok that was just a random thought. oh went for dance camp last weekend and it was so fun!! i wish it didn't have to end so quickly. i want to still be at the camp now talking and socialising with all the people there. the company made the trip a whole lot better than i'd expected it to be. plus the food and place was superb! star gazing was just so overwhelming...the sky was just fileld wih beautiful glittering stars...a sky i never get to see in the city. it was just amazing. oh and saw a couple of shooting stars too but they went by too quickly for me to make a wish. i have one wish which i trully would want to come true....but i doubt it's possible.

here's the link to the camp photos:
camp photos

anyway, enough procrastinating and to the books i SHOULD go.

till the next update....destiny guides but choice determines.

trying desperately

2005-04-01T10:59:00.000+10:00

i'm trying desperately to keep my head into my essay writing but i keep getting distracted! example...blogging instead of writing my essay! this is bad! i have all my facts at hand but i just can't get myself to concerntrate. oh ya..HAPPY BIRTHDAY HEE HUNG! not like he's ever going to read my blog.. can't wait fro my b'day cause then it'll mean i'll be almost a month away from going home.. and i'll be 19! happy, happy, joy, joy. actually i don't think i'll feel any different beoing 18 or 19. the big difference will come when i hit the twenties!! i'll feel so old! i'm actually a year away from it! oh no! time passes by really quickly. i can't believe i was starting primary school 13 years ago...seems like yesterday. i can still remember my first day of school...all the fun stuff i did when i was still a young naive student in a girls' school. and then the transistion into a co-ed school...stella! i miss those stella days. i miss all my friends back home! thank god for msn! how will ever survive without it! at least i can still ramble and talk nonsense with them via msn. i miss seeing them in person.

something has been on my mind for quite some time now...trying to get the possibility out of my head but can't seem to. it gets me thinking of it ever so often tht it's driving me crazy! i keep telling myself no but the yes always seems to empower it. the possibility of it happening is quite great actually...but i know it cannot happen. it'll be wrong. i should just remain being the normal me whenever contact is made. ok..sorting the mess in my head out. phew! i think i'll be able to survive for the next few days without thinking about this matter. when uni starts things will go back to normal...i hope. wait..but i don't want it to be normal! i want the abnormal happening to me. haha ok tht sounds weird. argh! i'm rambling. just shows that i need to stop blogging and get back to my essay writing!

so till my next update....fate and heart determines all.

ps HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!

mundane life

2005-03-31T17:01:00.000+10:00

another day of the hols passed by with nothing exciting happening. well didn't get any work done today. too lazy to lift up or open any of my books. i did have enough vigour and energy to go for a swim though! haha. did laps hoping to swim off my fats. i'm too lazy to type anything interesting today too!

till my next update....life is a complicated timetable.

a bbq, a bit of alcohol and a camera

2005-03-29T17:36:00.000+10:00

celebrated wily's birthday yesterday! had a bbq at this really nice apartment. loved the lobby. it was designed to bring nature into the building...it had like all the modern angulated designs soften by white pebbles and greens. really stylish! would love to stay there..for the lobby! haha.. wily really was bullied to the max because he was the birthday boy anyway. he got thrown into the pool and then made to drink like lots until he couldn't stand. pitied him but what's the point if u don't make ur 18th a memorable one?! really enjoyed the company too. laughed tonnes cause as usual..zoe, tina and i got high on chocolate..the chocolate supply coming from our superb 'death by chocolate' chocolate cake! i must say it was our first attempt at baking but it turned out really really good. everyone loved it! it was crusty on the outside and soft and moist in the middle. everyone kept asking how we managed to make it so biscuit like on the outside...here's the secret...over bake the cake!! haha.. it was never ever meant to turn out that way but what the heck! people loved it! they were actually eating almost burnt cake. sshhhh....haha.

ever since i've started uni..i think the highlight of it has to be the introduction to alcohol! i mean have drank alcohol..wine..before this but recently i have found myself in situtions whre alcohol consumption deems to be necessary for a fun time. haha ok that sounds really bad! i mean drinking is not bad if u know ur limit and u have self-control. oh and drink with ppl u can trust. my favourite cocktail to date..malibu coke thanks to christina! i think i'm beginning to sound like an alcoholic. actually, i don't mind drinking socially to build up my alcohol tolerance. mine's pretty low...

i'm in a trigger happy mood! i just want to take pictures of everything adn everyone...reminds me of someone..IMRAN! haha. i remember the days when our faces were practically glued to the camera lens...self portraits, embarrassing poses, stupid poses... those were the days when we were really, extremely bored. miss them! oh i took a really nice artistic shot of tina..hehe..i must say that my photography skills have improved since the day of 'the upside down but looks like it's not upside down' photography frenzy..only ahma and imran will know about this..so don't worry if u have no idea what i just said. i took some really nice shots with my SLR too. keeping an album of all my 'artistic' pictures. love them! my pride and joy!

enough self praise..haha...till the next update...be trigger happy people!

dilemma

2005-03-25T22:43:00.000+11:00

hols are finally here!!! but now comes the question of priority....should i study or go out??? in a dilemma...haha. oh anohter dilemma i'm in..should i buy more stuff from bridge road?? decisions, decisions... life's all about them i guess. can't avoid them, can't shrug them off. just have to deal with them. i've nothing really to blog about today..oh..watched ong bak. it's a pretty good production. love the stunts and cinematography. the filming style used was good. but the story line was kind of a simple and predictable one. however the other elements of the film kinda out-weighed it. i's a good movie to watch if u like action and lots of hand to hand combats. there's so many movies that i want to catch!!! haih..but the price of movie tickets here just gets to me. can't they make it cheaper!!! i miss the good old days when a ticket costs RM1.20. can never get such a good promotional price for tickets nowadays..haha.. the effects of bloody inflation! oh ya another i thing about inflation..the inflation of tram tickets here! it's ridiculous!! ok eventhough a two hour ticket costs just 10 cents more..but hey it's still 10 cents!! why can't they just maintain the price?? 3 dollars was a good one!! and it's so unfair that we international students don't get any conssession for public transport! aren't we still 'students' with or without the word 'international' in front of it?? we still do what the local students do! it's so unfair! we have to pay our butts off for evey single thing we use here! even the fees must be a light-year's leap more than the locals. this country has become a gold mine because of this. but no matter how i complain i still have to come here for my degree...stupid malaysia got such a bad higher education system!

ok enough complaning and lamenting. tomorow will be a good day..going shopping...but no i cannot spend anymore money! oh into this japanese anime which anthony lent us. a bizarre story...a student falling in love with an alien teacher...weird...but what the heck! it's jap anime! will still watch it. haha... i've been going on a binge for sweets! sweets as n pastries and desserts! this is so bad! the cravings for them just suddenly comes when i'm in melbourne!! back home the desire to have them just dies. but when i'm back here....oh no!!!! sinful!! have to restrain myself...hold back..

i have said enough for the day...till the next update...make your own judgements!

an update

2005-03-21T00:26:00.000+11:00

ok...this has to be the most unproductive week ever. i hae an essay due on wednesday and i still haven't completed my research into the topic. i'm just so not into the research and study mode! went shopping at bridge road on sat and bought 3 items for only $25!!! very good bargain. oh i have to thank sam for helping me pick out all 3 of them. she knows my taste in clothing.haha...visiting bridge road is not encouraged...everytime i do go there i wish i were a trillionaire's daughter!! there's just too many nice stuff i want to get..but the price just gets to ya!

i don't really know what else to blog about...i'm just updating for the sake of updating... hmm... oh one theory in life which i truly believe in...any guy who comes my way and have the 'potential' of making me fall head over heels for them are either too young, attached, or gay! this is the sad reality of my life! haih....so pathetic. i feel so depressed over my sorry fate...

till the next update...distance is no barrier.

have u ever

2005-03-16T23:42:00.000+11:00

have u ever felt that everything just seemed to be perfect..but then truth hits u in the face and u realise how foolish u've been..how foolishly hopeful. it's a phase in life everyone experiences i guess but damn reality sucks! not all of it, mind you, just the bits in life which would or could have made it a whole lot better. it's these fragments of reality which really make a difference in how u view ur life, how u handle ur life, how u cope with life. without them..the world just seems to be a mundane one...a routine...predictable, certain, safe. i need something or someone to give me the adrenalin rush i so long for! to give me the necessary push in persevering...to push my will power to its limit. i need it to spark the flittering flame in me, to make me radiate with life, to make me live! after all said...do i have the guts to face this source of life? am i adventurous enough to move out of my comfort zone? do i have the courage? bravery and a bit of rebellion is needed. can i afford to rebel?

ok...that was just random thoughts just flowing through my head at this hour of the night... just needed to type them out...as a proof of my 'profound' mind. haha...so hopeless at it. until my next update...i'm swept up.

uni life, finally

2005-03-06T15:34:00.000+11:00

uni life started...finally. is it an occasion to rise to or to fall into a pit of despair and stress?? however the outcme i guess it's all up to me but..darn! it is defiantely intimidating to be among the whites! maybe it's just me but i feel as if thier eyes are always observing my every move..my every mistake and every stupid fumble. they just seem so patronising! maybe it's just my imgination....i hope it is. if not this will turn out to be the worst 4 years of my studying life! fortunately there's still the ex-trinity people to mix with and christina!

i had my first taste of clubbing recently. not bad actually. didn't mind the smoke and alcohol. had a drink myself! haha... the music and rhythm just had me going. don't mind going again..but i don't think i'll be visiting a club in the near future. i need a break from fun to get my mind orientated to assignments and work!

another great news...i've managed to pass the initial stage of auditoning for this uni play! will be going for the second stage of selections this monday. can't wait..hopefully i'll be successful and a part in the play will be mine! i know it sounds so desperate..but if u know me well enough u would know how important and interested i am in the theatre. i will do anything to be involved in a stage production....well almost everything. i won't beg, steal or cheat for it. haha...the experience gained from being involved in one will be so enriching. i just can't wait. the idea of it just gets my nerves all jumping and my mind racing! now all i can do is just do my best and pray!

ok..enough writing. have to get down to my work! tutes will be starting this coming week so the work load will be piling up. i have to get down to it...soon... so till the next update...first impressions do leave lastings one.

love love love

2005-01-19T20:09:00.000+11:00

had a lovely chat with christina today at her place. talked about lots of things... missing the good old days of having our usual talking sessions in our room or her room into the wee hours of the night. oh i also remember nights just sitting and talking in imran's room...that was loads of fun too. imran can be so feminine sometimes..hahaha...that's what happens when a guy spends almost everyday in the presence of 3 females. next year i'll be back in melbourne but things are going to be so different! going to learn to adapt to living with my cousin. no more late night chatting. no more friends being a door away. haih...just got to adapt to the changes. but there is one thing i am looking very much forward to...the start of uni!!!! i am officially a student of the University of Melbourne!! I AM A UNI STUDENT! woohooo!! sounds so mature now...

food for thought... is loving someone of the opposite sex at this time and age really love? is living and breathing for a guy now worth it? what happens to a couple of this age? i mean after the courting and all..what happens? can't be marridge....then what? i think if we do get into a relationship at this age we should approach the whole thing with a very open and objective mind...mature mind. think before feeling. i mean it's sad but practical. there will be break ups and make ups. to not hurt or fall into the pits of despair, ruling our feelings with the head instead of the heart is the most appropriate approach to this boy girl relationship stuff. but then again it's easier said then done. just bear one thing in mind...the future of your life is more important and not worth getting screwed up over one person whom u'll most likely will not be spending your entire life with. it's just not worth it.

enough about the soppy stuff in life. love (as in bgr love) will remain an empty word for me until i have accomplished what i have set out to do and finally decide to settle down.

enough rambling....oh here's a chinese new year wish to all who celebrates it GONG XI FA CAI! until my next update....paint the world red this year with the happiness in us!

holidays....

2005-01-03T01:40:00.000+11:00

my mind has not been in active mode until now...haha...so i'm updating my blog! been busy meeting people and catching up on stuff. went to s'pore for christmas and had a blast. oh before s'pore went to lumut and i have finally gotten a tan back! i was so disgustingly fair before this! one downfall of studying in melbourne...losing my tan! i've added the link to the pics i took there. just click on the link at the next table thingy...scroll down it and u shall find the link...

the past year has been simply eventful...good and bad. well..the tsunami disaster was not a good ending to the year but..i believe that it happened for a reason. pretty hard for me to explain myself on the blog...i think God ( or the mightier being) made this disaster happen to slap mankind in the face...to make man see that all the war and focus on terrorism that has been escalating throughout the year is so meaningless and a waste of life. i believe this disaster happened to divert the wasted energy on something meaningless to something more humane and meaningful...saving lives instead of killing. my deepest condolences to everyone who has lost family or friends to the massive tidal wave.

i think this is enough said....till my next update...a year of events, a year of memories, a year of change, another year awaits...

back at home

2004-12-07T20:56:00.000+11:00

finally back at home. sleeping on my own bed..showering in my own bathroom...absolutely heavenly. tasting the great food again is a definate plus point too in coming home. everything is good here...well not everything...i'm missing the people i've met in melbourne terribly. i miss imran and clement. miss their nonsense. haha..i hope i'll be able to meet up with them when i go down to s'pore. can't imagine life next year without them..haih...have to wait two years before they will be back studying with us in melbourne!! time flies..and i hope it really does!

anyway...this will be a short post cause my laptop is running out of battery. so till the next update...to you who might or might not read this...the memories i have of us will remain forever in me...missing u...

last post in melbourne

2004-11-30T22:17:00.000+11:00

thought of updating since this will be the last post i'll be typing in my room number 311 in carlton melbourne college. internet conenction will be terminated on the 1st of december. so no more blogging till i get home. HOME!! i'll be flying on mechanical wings on the 5th..this sunday!! yay! can't wait. but i will and defintely miss all the people i have met here in trinity and also to the people i have become close to. will definately miss all the nonsense and embarassing stuff we've done this past year. life next year will be different...meeting different people, starting new courses, determining the future me. oh well...the start of a new chapter and the end of another. the circle of life.

can't wait to get home though. i want the SUN! i am too fair now...too disgustingly fair! i need my tan again! have to go back to my swimming and gymming. jit..remember the treadmill evenings..haha..have to get back to that. will be going to damai laut, lumut in dec!! yay! oh then will be going down to s'pore! must meet up with all the s'porean people when i go down. will contact u all when i get there!!

ok i think this is enough for my lat blog. to everyone i know and have become aquainted with this year....SEE YOU IN 2005...remember this is not goodbye.

celebrating!!

2004-11-26T18:13:00.000+11:00

ok..maths 2 is finally over..but...argh!! i'll be having this cloud of uncertainty hanging over my head until the results come are sent to me via e-mail. now everything depends on the two numbers of my average percentile to determine my fate! sounding dramatic here but I AM A DRAMATIC! all those who know me will tell u that. :) anyway, i'm trying to put it all behind me and look forward to returning to my bed and to my OWN bathroom! can't wait to go home and celebrate chinese new year...collecting ang pow! hehe...

i think this is all i can come up with for this posting. till the next update....two miserable numbers=the determinant of fate!! HOW ABSURD!

AARGHH!!!!!!!!

2004-11-22T18:06:00.000+11:00

ARRRRRGH!!!!!!! maths has just killed me! i know it sound over the top but on my terms...according to my standards..i have disappointed myself. why must i be so damn ambitious?! a slight failure to me is a huge disaster! i admire people who can handle disappointment with grace...who are capable of looking at the brighter side of things. i am a through and through pessimist! since i have officially messed up my maths, my future in the medical faculty of melbourne uni is a step further away from my grasp. i want to be in the medical field!!!!!! i want!!!!! but my brain is not capable of it...i'm just not smart enough! if only i was born a genius. no...i have to be contented with what i am and work on my weaknesses. my mind is what i think it to be. be strong. strength and perseverence are the only elements which can pull anyone out from despair and disappointment. do i have the strength? do i have the perseverence to continue with this race? this race set by my overly ambitious self? competitiveness always makes me land up in this situation. if only...

jika dunia aku yang punya
akan ku dirikan
sebuah syurga untuk ku kemudi
sepanjang masa tanpa kecewa
bertemankan bintang yang setia
bagaikan puteri
kisah khayalan
yang hidupnya suci dan sempurna
tapi sayang hanylah impian

hanyalah impian.....impianku untuk membentuk diriku yang bebas dari segala keburukan..segala kelemahan yang kini ku hadapi...hanyalah impian.

i have wronged

2004-11-20T13:36:00.000+11:00

this entry will be a short entry for no apparent reason. i have wronged someone...so to u i would like to say sorry. i am sorry for what i have done. i am sorry for the turmoil and perhaps pain i have caused u. i am sorry for everything which has happened. i am truly sorry.

i am unwise because i have judged. however..i am sorry to u because this judgement has already seeded itself in me and has started to bloom. i'm sorry for i cannot be wise. the wise do not judge but i have judged. therefore i am unwise and unwise i shall remain for its roots have gripped me too tightly to be untwined. i am sorry.

however, i will try to make it all seem right...to make me seem wise or maybe even be wise...if that is ever possible. i cannot guarantee anything for i myself am too fickle and uncertain. i know this entry seems to be full of conflicting ideas and feelings. i am a hypocrite by nature. i am sorry.

sorry.

selamat hari raya

2004-11-15T10:14:00.000+11:00

SELAMAT HARI RAYA to all! eventhough i don't celebrate it but i do miss it. all the public holidays and the music...eventhough they were damn annoying back home. every single shopping mall would be playing the same 'selamat hari raya' song. haha... but i guess that made the atmosphere a festive one. oh no..i'll be missing the rendang and curry and kuihs from my neighbour this year...and i'll be missing all the tasty sweet dates! i'll also miss the semangat kejiranan it was always during the different festivals where u'll see the tolong menolong, toleransi, satu padu, kejiranan, kerjasama, tolak ansur antara kaum. not forgetting all the other nilai-nilai murni that we learnt in pendidikan moral. actually i just realised that i've never been to a rumah buka before during hari raya or deepavali. i've only been to a rumah buka of a friend of mine during chinese new year. i should go to the menteri's house la one of these days. imagine going into sharifah's house...menteri in charge of bangsar. has she actually done anything good for bangsar? i wonder... the roads around tmc are still filled with pot-holes...the sports complex is kind of dilapitated...crime rate has gone up...on well...politicians and thier words of promise during election season can never be trusted. politicians and the word trust can never go hand in hand. politians are bagai enau melepaskan pucuk masing-masing...is that the correct proverb? well fellow m'sians who went through pmr and spm will know what i'm talking about. remember all the malay proverbs we had to memorize for exam? phew..thanks goodness it's all over! i wonder how many proverbs i still can remember...i won't torture u with them here..haha.

well...if u have been diligently reading imran's, christina's and zoe's blog u would have found out about our desperate attempt to remain dry with only the cover of one miserable umbrella. imagine the four of us under a foldable umbrella from big w! kind of pathetic. but what the heck! we had fun laughing all the way and i bet it will be one of those unforgettable memories. the things we four do! imagine us growing old and when we have our kids we'll be re-telling our stories...and we'll refer to one another as aunty christina, aunty zoe, aunty anthea and pak cik imran. haha..that'll be the day! college life..unforgettable!

there's nothing much to blog now. exams are comign up and i'm in hot soup. i will never learn that procrastinating is bad..i'll never learn that last minute work is bad. i'm a person who works better under preassure i guess. the way i studied for my past exams never fails to amaze me! i can't imagine i managed to cramp in 2 years of work in just 2 days or was it overnight? oh i did that for physics i think. haha..amazing!

ok..going to the library soon...to be the good student i am suppose to be! until the next update...memories are timeless.

unjust

2004-11-06T18:26:00.000+11:00

the world is an unfair place! unjust..everywhere..in every living soul's life. will there be a day when true justice prevails? will there be a day when i can say 'i live in a fair world'? no..it'll never be..an illusion meant only for idealist. i am not an idealist..perhaps i should become one..fighting the loosing battle. if u're an idealist do u become a pessimist or an optimist? if u're an idealist do u become a dreamer or a realist? so many dimensions to such a simple concept of the word 'idealist'. i guess kharma is the best way to console my cry for a just world. kharma...everyone will get what they deserve in due course. will the bitches of the world get thier fair share of spite? will the politicians ever feel the real deal of thier doings? kharma...to believe is to have faith...to have faith is to sit and wait? im confused! i'm in conflict! so many cases of the innocent and good being wronged by others is evident in our lives today. why? why? why? we believe in heaven and the last judgement...it is a bit of an illusion..don't u think so? words of the bible to comfort the fears of man. receiving fairness after death while suffering and being misjudge throughout life on earth. kind of a bleak image don't u think? no...we must have faith...faith that one day all evil and injustice will be no more. faith...so fragile in some and yet so strong in others.

sorry if i have offended anyone with my words. they were not intended to hurt or question anyone's beliefs. they were also not intended to be imposed on anyone. beliefs are private and individual. i respect that. until the next update...is the future as bright as we perceive it to be?

conflict

2004-11-05T14:09:00.000+11:00

can anything go back to the way they were? i doubt so. is this resentment, jealousy, hurt or anger that i feel? i do not know. my feelings for u are vague and multiple. i can never define the way i feel towards u. the way i treat u may not reflect my true desire...or does it? i do not know. i am distant and i am cold...without a definate reason. i said i have turned my back on what was and that is true...perhaps a lingering feeling of resentment still prevails...but that cannot be. i do not feel the same, i do not look at u in the same light anymore. yes...that is right...the past is the past. i am living for the present, feeling for the present. i do appreciated the days u filled with joy and memories for me...but they will never come round again. i will try my best to be civil, to be friendly...but there will be always something holding me back from fully committing myself, from being as normal as i was then in front of u. again...i do not know the logic behind this puzzle. the only thing i do know is that i will remember u as a friend forever...keep that in mind.

changes
turning our worlds, lives
changing for the better
or maybe the worst
take what comes
withstand the consequences
once changed
never undone
forget the me i once was
accept the me i am now
hold on to memories if u live by them
but treasure them if u live now

until the next update....i dream, i wake : i live, i die.

thoughts...

2004-11-04T01:14:00.000+11:00

i couldn't sleep so decided to write a bit. nothing much has been happening except the realisation that the year is coming to an end. oh and there's been a tremendous increase in photo taking! a snap of a moment imprinted for life. i was just reflecting on my whole year here and i've discovered that i have learnt so much in such a short time especially things about myself which i never knew was in me. i've become so close to certain people here that i know i'll be leaving them with a heavy heart. i'll miss the nonsense and the weird stuffs we do together, i'll miss the 'meetings' we have, i'll miss the laughing sessions in the kitchen, i'll miss everything! haih... i'll especially miss one person...u know who u are. this person has kept me afloat throughout my days here; this person i have shared my inner most feelings and thoughts with; this person who accepted all my nonsense; this person who has tolerated all my lamenting; this person who i can talk to openly at anytime; this person who personifies loyalty. i will definately miss u. another person i'll also definately miss is my 'almost-my-neighbour'. this person i have shared tears and laughter with; this person who has accepted me for me; this person who is totally weird but extremely fun to have around; this person who i have shared limitless gossips with; this person who has proven to me that nothing is impossible. to these two special people i thank and to these two people i owe a year of wonderful and unforgettable memories which i'll cherish and imprint in my mind. my memories of the two of u will never be erased by time or distance. love u two loads! i better stop before the tears stain this 'page'..haha..u know how emotional i get! until the next update....company is good but good company is beyond words.

individualism

2004-10-29T10:09:00.000+10:00

recently i have read and seen a cry for individualism in people my age. they go on to talk about how everyone is an individual with different thoughts and different personalities. the issue of doing what one thinks is right, doing what one thinks represents oneself, doing what one thinks is called 'being an individual'. but have they ever wondered whether by just doing all those things they are actually victims of the herd mentality? in actual fact none of us can categorize ourself as being a total individual. none of us can even have the right to say that. whatever thought, speech, gesture of ours have already been pre-governed, pre-set by our perception of the norm. none of us want to be alienated. all of us have an embedded fear of being an outcast. subconsciously no matter how loud, no matter how adament we try to prove that we are an individual...we are not. the very fact that we tend to speak the way we do shows our wanting to fit in...the very fact that we even bother to get a certain 'hairstyle' or a piece of clothing just goes to show that we have already fallen into the grasps of society's norms. society's norms...hence proving further that we all are victims of the herd mentality. none of us can deny that nor escape from it. so bullshit to those who claims to be an individual. just by bellowing thoughts and theories of invidualism does not make one an individual. INDIVIDUALISM IS NOT JUST ALL TALK! to be is to be it, to live it, to breathe it, to die by it. by writing this entry i am not trying to prove that i am an individual but i am just highlighting the narrowness in our way of thinking. we have to look at the bigger picture before stating any claims. ok enough said...so till the next update...the bigger picture moves the world of mankind.

ramblings

2004-10-19T18:50:00.000+10:00

it's been awhile..so tought of updating! lazy lazy lazy. the four letter word which also should be omitted from my vocabulary. i've been relaxing and slacking like mad since the start of term. i guess it must be the thought of going home soon and that this whole year will be coming to an end soon. another new life waiting ahead. one filled with new adventures and new experiences. but yet no matter how attractive and fresh these new 'discoveries' may be, i don't want to leave all the people i have met here. bet a few eyes will be teary after the first of december. omg i didn't know valedictory is going to be such a formal event! i mean there's even a dress code and all! ok...i guess i sound kind of 'ulu' now. oh oh i can't wait for the prom! just can't wait to get all dressy and all. ok now sounding so bimbo! getting into my drama role...the bimbo mum of the century! i think i'l be laughing at myself on stage. nvm..a role different from other roles i have played. venturing into the unknown...into the undiscovered me. haha..ok enough drama. ok i have nothing else worth saying...i have been rambling nonsense anyway...so before the next update....great spirits are always violently opposed by mediocre minds.

jonathan rhys meyers

2004-10-03T01:48:00.000+10:00

JONATHAN RHYS MEYERS IS HOT!! his eyes are just so intense looking. he has this brooding look that can just make me melt! he is why i love irish guys. hot, hot, hot! loved him bend it like beckham and completely adored him in vanity fair. words just cannot describe how hot and sexy his eyes are!! haha...ok i sound like a small teenage girl going goo goo gaa gaa over a boy band. haih...never will i ever meet a guy with that kind of gaze and look. wait...should i believe in hope? if i do then woohoo! light does shine in my life. haha..

had a fun day yesterday at st kilda..well maybe it wasn't filled with activity and all that but we did do a lot of walking and photo taking. oh my goodness..we are all officially e.g's to the max!! haha...erm it's an inside joke but krystle would know what it means. i mean we did the charlie's angels pose right in the middle of a pathway which was filled with people..not a deserted one but a busy one! how thick skinned are we man?! haha..but it was fun all the same. and of course photo taking would not be complete without the 'self potraits' initiated by ahma! her ever famous photo taking style. :) did manage to get some sun rays on my skin but not enough to give back my skin the healthy brown glow. damn it. when i get back to m'sia to the pool i go. never knew that the warmth and sun can be so inviting! now i understand the europeans hunger for the sun. i never did until now. oh ya we went to get imran's suit for the prom too. not bad la. can do for the night. the prize for the rent was reasonable too. the gowns on sale at that shop was fabulous! they were gorgeous! wouldn't mind renting one actually...that is if i had a date! nvm going as a singleton isn't that bad. it's the company that matters but i don't think i'll be having any problems with that. good friends equals good company.

i can't wait to go back home. can't wait to be able to sleep in my own room for at least more than the pathetic two weeks but have to be back by mid feb. that's just so awful! that's so little time to spend with family and friends. haih...getting a paper qualification comes first i guess. life can be so hectic at times. i do feel like stopping and giving it all up sometimes but then the world still continues to spin on its axis and other people still go about doing their thing. so i have no choice but pick myself up again and continue the rat race. actually i don't even think there is a possibility of ever stopping to rest. one responsilibity just leads on to another. nothing ever ends. i guess that's why the phrase 'circle of life' is used. a inevitable cycle we all have to undertake. i think that's why peserverence and determination are such vital qualities to survive in the world today. without them we would just crumble and fall.

ok i think that's enough rambling for the day. till the next update.....jonathan ryhs meyers is hot! hehe :)

immortality

2004-10-01T18:48:00.000+10:00

after almost a week of silence i have decided to break it. holidays have just come and gone. not looking forward to going back to the studying and maths stress! this is what i don't like about school/college/uni life. once a big exam burden has been lifted u are bogged down by another! the stress of being a student. one thing to look forward to this term...graduation! can't wait to finally close another chapter to my schooling life. but i will definately miss the people i have become so close to. anyway...the future is something i am looking forward to. there's somethings u just want to leave behind and start anew.

nothing interesting to post. my mind is just an array of thoughts...nothing really substantial and necessary to be put down in writing. actually this blog is kind of a hisorical site don't u think? i mean everything i have been through, felt, thought, done in the past are all written and recorded here. it's like something people would do in the past when history needed recording. jotting down thoughts an happenings of oneself to form an immortal u. hmm...so long as men can breathe or eyes can see, so long lives this, and this gives life to thee....in this case this gives life to me! isn't it so true. immortally gained within the pages of a book, within the posts of a blog! haha... it does give a sense of comfort doesn't it? i guess everyone wants to be remembered after death. not having a single memory of oneself in the minds of others after death can be extremely frightening. it's as if u never even existed on the face of the earth! being invisible and visible at the same time...chilling thought... actually it's not chilling but rather it's a case of loneliness and rejection...or it could be a case of loneliness and falseness. not everyone is the true friend they crack up to be. even i myself must admit my folly. i have put on a facade in front of certain people...acting, hiding behind the mask of smiles and amiability.

ok i think that's enough for one post. till the next update....noone is true to u except urself.

from students to tourists

2004-09-25T01:58:00.000+10:00

well the holidays have been fairly interesting. have swicthed roles from being a student to being a 'ulu' looking tourist. i have been visiting places such as the national art gallery and the melbourne aquarium...the thought running through your head now must be...hmmm..interesting? haha...actually it was kind of fun but this simulator ride in the aquarium was a tad bit upsetting. it was suppose to be a ride filled with turbulence and thrill..but it was an utter disappointment! never believe anything u read! learnt that lesson the hard way. imran was sitting next to me and he was saying 'kurap la' throughout the ride. so true! haha..i hope the trip to the IMAX theatre next week won't be a disappointment. 14 bucks man! besides the visiting of places...i've assimilated into the role of 'tourist' by posing ridiculously in front of a metal propeller, a giant bronze statue of a fat man and other embarassing poses thanks to the photographer...my dear imran abdullah. but what the heck! i am a tourist..theoractically. anyway holidays will never be complete without the ocassional shopping sprees which i have been going on quite frequently actually..hehe. i jsut can't help myself when i see great bargains i just go all fuzzy inside and this voice inside me will urge me to buy and buy. ok..maybe that's an exargeration. i do control my spending...but a girl cannot resist a good bargain, can she? in actual fact i am on a shopping mission...to buy hair acessories, shoes and a gown...bet you can guess the reason behind the spending. ;P tomorrow we'll be going to bridge road so there goes my money again. nvm..when college starts i will stop the shopping too....hopefully.

new skin for my blog..if you haven't notices..duh! just couldn't stand the old one..too boring. i need changes in my life! haha..ok..getting dramatic again. till the next time this slow moving blog is updated.....whispers say so much.

misery brought by carelessness

2004-09-13T14:41:00.000+10:00

maths over today. thank goodness. well the paper wasn't as hard. i finally manage to master the methods of integration in a day..so not bad la. pretty happy with myself except for that BLOODY PERMUTATION QUESTION! i was so careless!! sure cannot get 96% average already for this term. haih..nvm what's done is done. can't help it. argh! feel like punching myself in the head man. how could i be so careless?! okok enough lamenting...i know i'm going to be a pain for my friends...i think i have been after the amths paper...hehe...SORRY! ok i will stop.

for the record...my feelings have diminished for a person....and now all i feel is pure contentment with my current life..with friends i can't live without and my dear sis by my side.but i still cherish the footprints he has left in my heart...

until the next time i update this blog....people walk in and out of our lives and leave behind unforgettable footprints.